Arrive well early. Security guard's nowhere to be seen. An eerie quiet accompanies me up the stairs.
Turn down the corridor. Suddenly I'm ambushed.
"Boo!" screams the guard, jumping out from behind a snack machine.
He scuttles away, laughing his head off.
Heart's still pounding as I open the classroom door. Winslet Bosom's sat all alone.
Got my choice of 20 seats. Take the one right next to her. She reaches down to move her handbag away from my feet.
Can't think of anything to say so I make clicking noises with my tongue to break the silence.
Hairy Jewish Woman strides in. Raises her eyebrows at Winslet Bosom; Winslet Bosom smirks back. Two women communicating without words. Probably saying how much they want to bang me.
Jenny's last to arrive. Apologises for cancelling last week's class. Claims it wasn't a family crisis - she was just ill. Menopause, I reckon.
She collects the homework and reveals our next task: to start writing a sitcom.
"Has anyone already come up with a lead character?" she queries.
Dan sticks his hand straight up.
"My character's called Denis," he explains.
"Right, let's play a game," says Jenny. "I want you to stand at the front and answer questions as if you were Denis."
My nemesis covers his face with both hands but doesn't waste time scampering to the front.
Someone asks what Denis does for a living. Street cleaner, comes the reply.
"So if I was sick on the pavement, would you have to clean it?" quizzes Steve.
Everyone cracks up. Dan goes beetroot.
People queue at the water cooler as we break for refreshments. Winslet Bosom swipes the last cup.
"What am I going to do?" I complain.
She offers me a sip of hers. Wipe the rim with my sleeve before taking a gulp.
Class reconvenes to discuss great double acts: Morecambe and Wise, Gervais and Merchant, Laurel and Hardy.
"Fishy and Dan," suggests Hairy Jewish Woman.
Steve sniggers. Reckon he's got a little crush.
Mind begins to wander as the session drags on. Imagine myself waking up next to Winslet Bosom. She strays into my side of the bed, so I kick her shin.
Jenny fills the last few minutes with some advice on how to sell scripts.
Dan pipes up. Claims he knows a bigwig at the BBC who's promised him a deal. They're mates on Facebook, apparently.
That's it - time's up. Dan suddenly shushes everyone. Asks what we're all doing after next week's class.
"I hate it when people do that," moans Hairy Jewish Woman. "Tell us what your plan is first - then we'll decide if we've got an excuse or not."
Dan throws her an evil.
"I just think that as it's the final week, we should all go for a curry or something afterwards," he says.
Most people seem up for it.
"Oh, and it's my birthday - so we can celebrate that too," adds Dan.
Hairy Jewish Woman rolls her eyes.
Steer well clear of the snack machine as we all troop out of class. Thankfully the guard's had his fun for today.
Everyone's outside ready to go their separate ways. Winslet Bosom starts walking off.
"Auf wiedersehen," she calls back.
Dan laughs even though he's not in on our private joke.
"Adios," I reply.
Winslet Bosom turns and winks - her way of saying that next week, after curry night, she might just let me kick her shin.