The Gay Note

Two weeks ago

I'm sat enjoying the sun in the front garden when suddenly my eyes are drawn to a tall, middle-aged man walking down the street. He's staring right at me.

"Alright," I mutter with a nod, hoping to placate any aggressive intent.

But it's okay - his motive seems purely neighbourly.

"Hello," replies the stranger, not breaking his step. After a minute or two he's out of sight.

Ten minutes later

This time I'm taken unawares.

"Hello again, friend."

He's carrying a Somerfield bag.

"Hey," I reply, anticipating an immediate return to my book.

No such luck.

"This is the life, eh? Sun, a good page turner - all you need now is a glass of wine."

Inform him it's a bit early for me and with that he's gone. And forgotten. Until…

Today

I've been out there 10 minutes when I spot him striding down the road.

"You haven't moved for two weeks, have you?"

He seems pleased with this witticism, so I feign a laugh to be polite.

"What you reading?" he enquires.

Tell him I've just started The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro but his expression indicates he's never heard of it.

"I'm on The Time Traveller's Wife," he says. "My friend thrust it into my hand at a fair and said, 'You'll LOVE this.' And I am loving it, so…"

An uncomfortable silence ensues. Three, four, maybe even five seconds until he continues:

"So, are you new here?"

"Moved in about six months ago."

The stranger points to the sea-view houses and says: "I live over there - have done 20-odd years now."

"That's where everyone on this street wants to live," I reply, but my banter is ignored.

"What's your name?"

"Fishy."

"Nice to meet you, Fishy. I'm Brian."

And after an awkward goodbye he's away once more.

Five minutes ago

Me and my mate Elizabeth walk in from the pub to find an envelope marked 'Fishy' on the floor.

Rip it open excitedly and begin reading…

"Hi Fishy,

Thought you might like to text/phone me?

If so, my number is:

O775713****

Be good to hear from you.

Brian."

Elizabeth is bent over laughing. She reckons I've gone bright red.

"Shut up," I tell her.

"When you going to text him?"

"Shut up."

"Would you?"

"Shut up."

"You do look gay."

"Thanks."

Think I'm going to give the front garden a miss for a while.

18 comments:

liam o'brien said...

haha I like this post. You have a good writing style too.

Sarah said...

hey you should be proud - a hit is a hit no matter who did it! :)

plentymorefishoutofwater said...

Oh, I AM proud. Still got the note :-)

Charlene said...

Well done. Can't say that's ever happened to me!

plainolebob said...

well your betteren me no tellin where thet note woulda ended up, blame it on the hair dresser i always say.
great blog

Anonymous said...

Be honest, you've got a crush on him haven't you? I'd like to know what happened when you saw him again. And, have you rang him? ;-)

Dr. David Webb, PhD said...

remember when you got the note from note2email.com LOL HAHAH!

Dr. David Webb, PhD said...

www.note2email.com/write if you ever need to send someone something anonymously (it does record your IP though)


www.anonymouse.org

Blondie said...

LOVE IT! I can not wait to hear more of you!!

Blondie

Rick said...

A she male once told me I could have either part I wanted. I felt flattered. Similar I suppose. Besides, it's not gay if you don't enjoy it.

www.livinthedreamblog.net

Meeks said...

This shit was funny as hell..
To others....check my blog out
mikasdomain.blogspot.com

justsoph said...

Thats awesomely funny, as a friend once told me you cant knock till you`ve tried it LOL ( sorry)

Meghan16 said...

Best. Post. Ever.
Real funny shit :)
If I were you, I would have already rang the guy.
(Anyone? Check out my blog meghan16.blogspot.com)

Caleb said...

Maybe he can do your laundry and clean up a bit. And if he gets weird, just bash him in the head with a shovel and lock him in the basement.

Wilmaryad said...

What if he is somehow reading this now? >_<

Lil Ms Snarky said...

"My friend thrust it into my hand"

i'm just glad he said "thrust."

sabrina said...

That is simply hilarious, hahahaha. Oh Fishy, you keep me laughing. (:

Rebel Without A Cause said...

I don't really read blogs, but this one is HILARIOUS.