Guest Post: Taking a (One-Night) Stand

In the first of a series of guest blogs, London journalist and blogger Laura Tait provides a female perspective of the one-night stand...

Right, these are my rules for one-night stands:

1) Don't have them with friends of friends. You'll worry how they'll discuss it later.

2) Don't have them with boys in bands - they're ­unlikely to disguise the fact you're a notch on a bedpost.

3) If you do it, avoid the walk of shame - go back to your place.

4) If you have go back to theirs, work out your ­journey home in advance and ­decide if it's worth it.

5) And do this only if you are wearing clothes you would conceivably be wearing the next day. Early morning train journey in ­stilettos, smudged eye ­make-up and unbrushed hair invites disapproving looks from old women and ­knowing winks from ­random smarmy men.

6) Carry hairbrush and eye make-up remover pads in your handbag (see rule 5).

Oh, and 7) Don't bother trying to make conversation in the morning. You both know the score.

So, Sunday I wake up at 8am somewhere in Fulham. With a man who works with my friend Emma. Lie there for an hour trying to decide best moment to leave. Things to do, but can't do a runner while he's sleeping - he'll feel used and abused. ­

Attempt chit-chat when he stirs, but he puts a finger on my lips and says: "Laura, this is what we call quiet time." Did I mention he's in a band? Twenty minutes later, he provides directions to Fulham Broadway Station.

I have the worst sense of ­direction ever. In different circumstances, I'd ask for his phone number to call if I got lost. But can't in case he thinks it's a desperate trick to get his number. I make him repeat directions three times. He probably thinks I'm trying to delay leaving.

My heels make loud clip-clop noises as I walk. Disapproving look from old lady.

Wait half an hour for a tube. When I get on a smarmy random man winks at me. I can see from my ­reflection on the window that my hair is a mess and eye make-up smudged.

I wonder what kind of conversation Emma and her mate will have at work on Monday? Best not to think about it. Instead, I spend remainder of journey coming up with a list of one-night stand rules.

Laura has worked for publications such as Metro, The London Paper, Sugar, Cosmopolitan (Aus), Bliss, More and Look. She's currently planning her first novel and writes a blog about her own dating dilemnas. Click here to read it.

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