I can't do this anymore. It's time to say goodbye.Don't cry, dear readers. I'm not talking about blogging, silly.
What I'm saying is - online dating and I are kaput. Going to meet a woman in the real world. Stop laughing.
I've spent the last few days assessing my options. Devised a shortlist of four lucky ladies. Let me know which contender YOU think I should ask out:
PET SHOP ASSISTANT
Looks: Streaked hair. Couple of inches shorter than me. A good handful of everything.
Signals: Always asks how Mildred is when I buy cat food. Observed her with other customers - she doesn't enquire about their pets.
Other pertinent information: Staff discount - potential 25 per cent off all Pets at Home products. Mildred is lobbying hard for this candidate.
THE WAITRESS
Looks: Pearly green eyes overshadowed by sporadic facial hair.
Signals: Constant texts and calls. She likes me more than I like her - a bigger turn-off than the beard.
Other pertinent information: Got her phone number while on a first date with Arthritic Joanna - see my A Date with Depression post.
THE HAIRDRESSER
Looks: Petite and blonde. Amazing arse. Looks like she'd be good in a fight.
Signals: Sings Beautiful Stranger by Madonna while cutting my hair.
Other pertinent information: Free haircuts - a saving of £96 per annum.
BOOTS PHARMACY SALES ASSISTANT
Looks: Lois Lane hair. Strong bone structure masked by a bit too much make-up.
Signals: A lingering smile with eye contact.
Other pertinent information: May have blown it last week. She was trying to encourage customers to use the new self-service tills - even offered to help. I refused. Told her I didn't want to live in a world where humans were replaced by machines. She raised her eyebrows and walked off.
56 COMMENTS:
Pet shop assistant! Only bad point is inconvenience if and when you break up with her. What will Mildred do?!
I'd follow Mildred's gut on this one. Of course, you could give them all a try and start with your least favorite. That way you'll get plenty of blog fodder and possibly find yourself pleasantly surprised.
Can't say I blame you as far as the online thing. You gave it a good turn, and it is still there if needed. I vote for "pet shop gal", and if she becomes a regular part of your life, Mildred will appreciate the perks.
I would hook up the "bearded lady" with the hairdresser as they have connections and skills to solve that. And you still need your haircut regularly, so she (nice arse) isn't going away soon. Enjoy the Madonna serenade once a month...On the pharmacy sales person, if she does not do well in the face of a difference in opinion, quit while you are ahead...Good luck brother!
I think you should choose the hairdresser - she sounds the least odd and has an amazing arse.
Seriously though - you only soend £96 a year on haircuts?!
Hmmm... I would have to say that..
the Pet Shop Assistant looks "too safe"
the waitress is too "easy"
the hairdresser seems too "quirky" sooo therefore I, like Kate, would have to pick the Sales Assistant... she sounds like the most interesting of the 3 (and she seems like a challenge :)
Good Luck!
Hairdresser i think, she's a captive audience, she cant walk off whilst she's cutting your hair!
I am relatively new to your blog and I am already so hooked to your post that my heart skipped a beat when I read the title of your post..
You should try with the one you like the least and then move up..
Came back to add one more thing.. It's funny that you gave up on online dating around the time I have to - at least temporarily.. and my latest post was considering dating men in real life not unlike your approach...check it out.
http://rookieblogger-randomthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/11/good-times.html
Are you trying to ask me out on a date MOT? Shall I add you to the shortlist? :-)
Hairdresser, definitely. She sounds fun and positive. Waitresses get asked out by EVERYONE so they'll take you for granted. Plus who doesn't love Beautiful Stranger?
Online dating - never tried it but it just seems so odd to meet someone online. As far as your dating dilemma goes you should just ask yourself, "what would Dave Lee Roth do in my situation" and go with that.
i suggest this order
1.hairdresser
2.sales assistant
3.pet shop
@plentymorefishoutofwater - You could consider me adding to your list but then I wouldn't qualify as girls from "real life" now would I?
Damn! I am considering a post about love/dating between bloggers soon anyway the way things are going - maybe you can figure out a way to get yourself featured?
I'd say you need to meet more women. Don't any of your male friends know some women you could date? Or have you already done that?
I think that sounds like an excellent idea.. we get to know a lot of the good and the bad about each other thru our blogs anyway, so obviously the next logical step would be to think about dating each other..
You gave us all a heart attack with that title. Please never stop dating.
Anyway I vote pet shop girl and/or hairdresser. Either haircuts are very cheap in Liverpool or you don't have much hair.
the hairdresser is definitely out. imagine how you'll look if she's mad at you!
Boots Sales Assistant - You don't want to have to find a new place to buy pet food, you're not interested in the waitress, and a good hairdresser is hard to find.
I would've said the Boots assistant but you've cocked it up their. Raised eyebrow? You're definintely gonna get rejected.
I'd say the hairdresser. anyone who sings aloud in front of strangers is a minx in bed!
I suggest you try a date with each of them- if they agree to go on a date with you! Then you can decide which one you like and see if the "chosen one" will go on a second date with you. Remember to change your sheets ! If you are retiring would you mind if I took your place on Plentymorefish, and in The New Year do your blog from a Girly point of view? awaiting your approval. Kate
Hang on a minute..is that picture the actual Pet Shop girl?
I vote for the pet shop girl - if she likes animals (we would assume she does) - she must have an amazing touch...
I vote ALL of them!
Go out in the world, yes, it's a great plan, and my personal fav way to meet people! Good luck ;)
I vote the sales assistant purely because if it goes wrong it won't cost you anything i.e.
Pet Shop Girl - Lack of food for Mildred. Becomes friends instead and get the discount that way.
Hairdresser - sabotaged haircuts in retaliation.
Waitress - she'll spit in your food and she sounds a tad clingy.
Whereas what can the shop assistant really do...
Why pick just one? Could you not go on a date with them all? Well, not the waitress cause you've already been out with her, haven't you?
And you never know if you do ask them out, that they will actually be single...
Ask them all out Mr. Fish. The scatter-gun approach is so much more effective, and that way you won't be too upset if one of them turns you down. Not that any of them will of course, with the promise of your small nipples...
http://studsonthe22.blogspot.com/
Hmmm. Well, i would say it was between pet shop woman and the hairdresser but needless to say, Mildred would be happier with the former.
:)
o your title made my heart sink! anyways, first choice the pet shop assistant :)
I say devise yourself a list of what exactly it is that you do and do not want from a woman, take them out (seperately) on one more date then just count the ticks at the end. If all else fails you have me.
pet shop assistant for sure.
she's quirky, but in that normal way. like, interesting, but normal enough to the point where she had to get a job at a pet store.
the waitress - too clingy. i know that when i see it.
hairdresser - not interesting. unless the ass part interests you. besides, maybe she just likes the madonna song, eh?
sales assistant - too much make up + lingering smile/eye contact = attention whore. i'd be wary.
so pet shop assistant it is :)
even mildred is rooting for her...
Hairdresser! My flatmate James says that getting a head massage/hair wash makes him jizz in his pants. ...But maybe that's just him.
Has to be Hairdresser fish! Petite, Blonde, Amazing Arse.... If you don't ask her.... I need a hair cut.
I say pet shop girl. The hairstylist, you'd have to worry about all those other men who's hair she'll be cutting, getting very close to them. The other two don't even seem worth bothering with.
The one with the biggest tits.
From the descriptions it sounds as if the Sales Assistant already has perked your interested on that one.
I agree with XtopherRay, you already sound interested in Miss Boots Sales Assistant - go for it.
The pet shop assistant sounds promising. Good luck!
Definitely the pet shop assistant. You get highlights AND discounts on future cat food purchases. Way better than the Boots deal, although the hairdresser is my second choice. I'm all about the savings.
Might as well go on a date with all of them to better size them up. Go on a date with the waitress last - if all the other dates crash and burn she sounds like a certified ego boost.
I feel the online dating end for me as well - but not before that deadline! ;)
Sounds like you should have a listen to "Rip It Up and Start Again" by Orange Juice. Cheery yet longing and it might make you all feel better. Love that group.
Look it up on YouTube
Hairdresser. A good arse is hard to find.
Hairdresser! You know hairdressers are great with their hands.
Hairdresser, cos if I could date mine I would gives great head.... massages
Are you aware that fellow Blogger Bamberio is trying to pimp you out on my blog?
Ok, she's calling it matchmaking but I know what she's up to!
www.talesfromthetower.co.uk - see The Date Date posts to read her suggestion.
I will have to consult with my blog followers to see if they would be interested in reading about me going on a date with a small nippled man. (By 'followers' I mean the facebook fans, not just the 7 followers I have on my blog!)
I will also check with my friends whether I come between a 4 and an 8.The results will probably vary greatly, depending on the day.
I'm still trying to get over losing an inch in height so don't really want to talk about that, but on the plus side I have no issues with my nipples.
Hairdresser! Haircuts cost a fortune these days!
well I originally was gonna go with the hairdresser, but I think mildred is the bigger investment.
this seems vaguely relevant
Doctors warned about risk of 'Facebook flirts'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8389458.stm
I hope you don't mind me 'pimping you out' Jimmy, but everyone loves a Cilla Black Blind Date kind of match up... Don't they? ;-)
I think it would be great to read about a date from both sides, especially when both bloggers are such excellent witty writers! (Yes I'm trying to get back on your good side. Was is that blatant?)
Right I'm off to go and polish the alloys on my Pimpmobile...
Bye for now x
I vote the hairdresser - free haircuts could save a fortune
I vote the hairdresser. Yeah, I'm a little behind and I saw the first post said hairdresser. Now I'm on my way to go read it. I was going to say Pet Shop and I'm sure Mildred is pissed at you for that.
The hairdresser the hairdresser!
She seems nice. And safe? Well, she does wield incredibly sharp scissors for a living...
She likes me more than I like her - a bigger turn-off than the beard.
Haha! Ain't that the truth....
Surely you should -date- get to know each of them better and then decide? Reckon hairdresser is sounding good
This is funny. I am glad I came accross your post when I was searching stuff on Plenty of Fish.
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