The Feargal Sharkey Date

Went on a date this week. An afternoon stroll along the beach with Hannah, a law student seven years my junior. Here's what happened:

Both arrive early. Kiss her cheek. She turns away sharply - thinks I'm trying for the lips.

The beach is deserted. Ask if she wants an ice cream. Says no. A cheap date - I like it.

A jogger whooshes past, iPod blaring out. The song is a classic from my childhood.

Hannah hasn't heard of Feargal Sharkey and doesn't seem amused by my little jig.

The conversation picks up as we wander among the dunes. Her wavy hair bounces elegantly through the sea breeze. I'd definitely shag her.

She looks freezing. Should have worn a big coat, like me. After an hour or so I suggest drinks in town.

Have to run to catch our train. My date seems flustered. She stares into the distance as we speed past a housing estate. A playful kick isn't returned.

Her housemates have told her off for sending short messages, apparently.

"Hadn't noticed," I lie.

"They reckon I come across a bit cold."

"Your messages are fine, don't worry. You might want to brush up on your apostrophes, but apart from that..."

Not sure it's the right thing to say.

Let her pick the bar - that way there's no moaning.

"Aren't you supposed to choose?" Hannah queries.

"I find it's easier to let the girl decide."

With that she leads me to a student haunt where drinks come in plastic glasses. Not what I had in mind.

We talk about family, cats, favourite vegetables, museums in Liverpool (she does most of the talking here), her lack of cooking skills, my leek and potato soup and spiders.

My date knows a nice Chinese place we could eat. Means I'll have to pretend to like Oriental food.

A candle illuminates her sweet face and our legs mingle affectionately as dinner is served.

I like the way she refuses to be rushed even when the waitress brings our bill. Get my phone calculator out for a joke but she's not paying attention.

"Just kidding," I say. "This is on me."

"No, no - we'll split it," she replies.

"Seriously, I've got it covered."

"Fair enough."

Expected a bigger protest. Never mind - I'll skip the tip. Didn't finish half of mine anyway.

Head for more drinks. Hannah chats about her summer in Romania helping disabled children using 'intense interaction'. Staring in their eyes and shit.

Try to give her a high five en route to the bar but she's not having it – thinks it's naff. All her good work with Romanian children is being undone.

It's getting late. Walk her to the station where I go in for a snog under the shadow of an unlit bus shelter. She doesn't retreat.

Twist strands of her hair round my fingers. Girls like that.

"I've had a nice night," she says. "Have you?"

"Er, yes. It's been ace. I really like you, Hannah."

With that she boards her bus. I wave goodbye as it pulls away but she doesn't see. Busy texting someone.

Spend the entire taxi ride home thinking through our six hours together. Not the best date I've ever been on - but a long way from the worst. Come up with some pros and cons.

Pro: She helps mental kids in Romania. Con: She doesn't like cats. Pro: She's got a lovely smile. Con: She's never seen The Office and doesn't know who Feargal Sharkey is. Pro: She made me laugh - though I'd had three Coronas at the time. Con: She wouldn't give me a high five. Pro: She's young and I can mould her.

Ah, who am I kidding? Leave it 'til morning then text asking if she wants to do something at the weekend.

Approximately two hours and 13 minutes later my phone beeps. Her reply reads:

Look, thanks for a nice night. Thing is, I was kind of seeing someone a few weeks back and I think it might be back on. Sorry for messing you around x

Well that's a blow to my ego. Don't bother responding - might say something I regret.

Can't get the Feargal Sharkey song out of my head. Lyrics seem quite apt now.


Tina said...

Never mind Fish, not having seen The Office? She wasn't the one for you.

Skypirate said...

so there's really no point lying about it makes no difference whatsoever apparently.

Lainey said...

I've just stumbled across your blog and there seems to be quite a number if similarities. For example, I've recently cracked off a post about rules for writing your Internet dating profile.

Looking forward to Reading backwards.

neda said...

you really can do better than a girl (bitch) who's never seen the office.

and who doesn't give high fives? i mean, seriously?

Bamberio said...

That's an attempted 'nice way to brush you off' from a girl if ever I heard one.

Still, a 6 hour date? Blimey you've got staying power. Fatal mistake letting the girl pick which bar to go to though. My friends and I are all in agreement that the bloke should ALWAYS pick the venue for a first date - we like you to be masterful and decisive you see, or at least pretend to be for a bit if you're not.

Still, you got a snog out of it and she wasn't a minger so it's not all bad :-)

Aion said...

I couldn't stop laughing about the "she should have worn a big coat, like me" comment... long date.. you are a trooper lol

Kate Lightfoot said...

Never mind. Sounded like a ngreat date to me-must be something up with her! Plenty more fish in the sea (bet you didn't see that one coming!) Kate

Keren David said...

Obsessing about the 'favourite vegetables' reference. Who brought up the subject? Why? What were your favourite vegetables? How long did you talk about them? Who moved the subject on?

Just a hint...'Twist strands of her hair round my fingers. Girls like that' might be a statement you want to check with somegirls. Personally I'd clout anyone who tangled with my hair.

missykimmy said...

Even I know that Fergal Sharkey song!

I think the three cons outweighed the four pros.

Anonymous said...

If that's the same girl I messaged the other day who blanked me, she can get to fuck. Typical whore her mate. Better off without.

Sarah said...

always, always offer your coat. pretend to be a gentleman will be a big brownie point on your part.

RenRexx said...

i like your enthusiasm as you share more of your defeats... personally, i still can't get over the redhead post "what's my best feature?" "honestly, not your smile....."

aaaaaargh!(send me a link with you POF profile to see what you're doing wrong!!)

freckledk said...

Please say something you'll regret! And then share it with all of us!

freckledk said...

Please say something you'll regret! And then share it with all of us!

Poetry of Flesh said...

It doesn't read like you were really into her, or she into you. Whether or not she actually had someone else come up in her shagging radar, it was good of her to bail. Rejection stings, but it's better than forcing something that isn't there.

Roxy said...

it sounded like a fun date. sorry it didn't work out.

Loved the synopsis.

Hunter said...

"Staring in their eyes and shit." -That's priceless.

Very funny post!

And That's Why You're Single said...

Yeah, that was a brush off. When she said that she thought the guy picked the bar what she meant was "I prefer that men pick the place." You put her on the spot a number of times, doing things that probably gave her pause wondering what your end game was. i.e. when the bill came, telling her to pick the bar, the high fives. Did you want to date her or play rugby with her?

The Single One said...

"Expected a bigger protest" about paying for dinner?? Give me a break! Try being honest from the start if you want to split it.

Plus, a six hour first meeting? Way too long. Just enough time for her to realize she doesn't like you enough to see you again.

Kitty Moore said...

She clearly wasn't good enough for you...

Scarlet said...

Wow, hmmm probably not a good idea to go out with a girl 7 years younger if you want her to have heard of songs you remember fondly

Cons definitely outweighing the pros there

S x

Anonymous said...

Men who don't tip don't deserve to ever find love

Dater at Large said...

I'm with Bamberio (and others) - 6 hours?! I have a strict 2 hr exit strategy for all first dates. Leave something for next time.

Still, she shouldn't have sent that text on her own; she could have sent it if you had reached back out to her first. Why say you're not interested when no one has expressed additional interest in you?

Dater at Large said...

Now that I think about it, you should probably write her back... something like "No worries, didn't think we were a good match anyways."

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

Really funny. I liked it.

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

"She looks freezing. Should have worn a big coat, like me"

I wouldn't give a coat to a woman that doesn't like cats either. :)

Geist Bites said...

Thanks very much for reading! It's always nice to have readers who aren't just angsty girls from Nebraska.

Your blog is supposed to scare me into celibacy, isn't it?

jo said...

somehow it didn't seem like the date was going all that well anyway in terms of mutual chemistry. so it's better that you know (and she was nice to be upfront with you on that) and you can move on.

Lifestyle Lookbook said...

Omfg, that's a brilliant excuse to use, thanks Fish! I might pull that reason out of the bag next time I don't want to continue seeing a guy I just met online...umm....not that that is what she did to you...err....Gotta go! x

Little Miss Angry said...

haha. 'should have worn a big coat, like me' -> hilarious!!!

and so men also come up with a pro and con list after a date eh. interesting to note.

AND better luck with the next one ;)

Pandorah's Box said...

Awww....poor guy.

At least she didnt string you along for a long time. I have done that one before....disaster.

Hannah Miet said...

You seemed kind of ambivalent and that's a pretty lame excuse for a lack of date 2, even if it's true.

Receiving texts that start with "Look," is enough to make want to try my hand at dating in the Shakespearian Era.

Michael said...

Agreed. I hate it when people start with Look...

Dude, I feel for you. It's worthy of a post on my blog, and hopefully I won't have to write about something like that. What a total bitch for doing that to you when you were more invested than she was.

Sigh, good luck with the next one, though!

Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

Dating Diva said...

Wow, the date would've been over if a guy couldn't laugh at my jig for sure. If they can't laugh and act silly, I'm done.

Sounds like this girl was just filling the time and wasting yours. :(

Red Chocers said...

6 hours!!! Wow that's a long first date!!

At least she was upfront but she really should have been upfront from the beginning. She sounds pretty boring too - so maybe 4 cons.

Well you did get a kiss, so she must have been interested to some degree if that helps.

Indi said...

Not to worry, plenty more pebbles on the beach ... Aha Mr. Sharky.. the sweet memories..thank you

Conquer The Monkey said...

Hi new to your blog, but anyway, you are better off, she didn't get lots of the jokes and no high five, no office, all = not enough fun!

Anonymous said...

Just discovered your blog. Very nice. I have been with a great girl for 4 years now and we are getting married next year. Believe it or not, we 'met' on Needless to say, this blog holds a special spot in my heart. Look forward to the next post.

Brilliant Sulk said...

I'm so glad I'm not single. I would really suck at dating. Your date was a bit like a wet noodle.

I'm embarrassed to say I had to Google Feargal Sharkey because the name sounded sort of familiar...

The Undertones. I was a huge fan. Okay, I'm old.

Love your blog...

a's anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this. Good walk-through of how things played out and quite humourous (hope it is for you too, now). Good luck with the younger generation though, it's a mess.

hope to see more,