How Not to Pull an Attractive Red Head

Friday night. Gang of us were out. Mostly old friends but a couple of unfamiliar faces, including an attractive red head. Tried my luck three times.

CHAT-UP LINE ONE

Me: "Hi. Who are you, then?"
ARH: "Suzanne."
Me: "Nice to meet you, Susan."
ARH: "Suzanne."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Bet you get that all the time, don't you?"
ARH: "No."

CHAT-UP LINE TWO

Group discussion about our most attractive features. This was my attempt to remain aloof:

ARH: "What do you think's my best feature?"
Me: "Definitely not your smile."
ARH (looking round to see if her friend caught what I just said): "Er, right."
Me: "What I meant was…"

What I meant was she had beautiful eyes, but ARH excused herself before I could clarify.

CHAT-UP LINE THREE

Good-looking guy with cravat heads to the bar, so we're side by side once more.

Me: "Hello again."
ARH: "Alright."

Long pause.

Me: "Sorry, I just can't think of..."
ARH: "It's fine."
Me: "I'm just a bit socially inept sometimes."
ARH: "I noticed."

With that ARH picks up her handbag and rummages for an unknown item until GLMWC returns with Chernobyl-coloured shots for the group.

At the end of the night everyone exchanges a kiss on the cheek. Take a step towards ARH but she walks straight past, avoiding eye contact.

35 comments:

Gillian said...

ARH sounds like a snob to me.

Hunter said...

She's definitely playing hard to get. You'll have to pry her off next time!

Kate Lightfoot said...

You make me laugh. I really can't believe you are that bad! Good luck with the Fish date.

theblueeyedboy said...

"Definitely not your smile."
I winced when I read this.

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

I bet her eyes weren't here best feature at the end of the night.

Kate said...

Oh dear! That was brutal but very funny. I cringed on the Susan line. Great post as usual

Bamberio said...

You're still single you say?

With slick moves like that I'm shocked.

Hannah Miet said...

"Definitely not your smile."

Shuudddder.

Kato said...

Hahaha!! Poor girl. And poor you. It takes a special kind of girl to see past "Definitely not your smile...."

That's hilarious. I probably would have laughed. Not at you. With you.

RenRexx said...

oh god.......... you said not her smile? I would have walked out too.

UberGrumpy said...

Try this:

"Do you sleep on your stomach?"
"No."
"Can I?"

Works every time.

Keren David said...

'I'm just a bit socially inept sometimes..' Superb, probably the least attractive thing any man could say.

You Make My Date said...

Hahaha I'm surprised only the commentor before me pulled you up on the socially inept comment - freaking hilarious!

Hint for next time Fish: buy her lots of Chernobyl coloured shots BEFORE you open your mouth :)

Kristy said...

That's one of those 'hit bottom but keep digging' situations

jo said...

awww... well they say practice makes perfect?

Sarah said...

you get the grand prize of how to compliment a woman. lol

Dater at Large said...

the more I read your blog the better I feel about my own dating skills... keep it up!

ByDSea said...

It must be a sickness, laughing at other people's misfortune, and I have it. That was funny and brutal all at the same time. I hope the next one goes better for you. "I'm a bit socially inept sometimes" Funny Shit, I would have thought that would break the ice a bit.
Cheers,
C

Cheeky Minx said...

Priceless! Clearly your wry, self-deprecating humour was wasted on her.

I know a ton of women who would have fallen instantly in love - or giggled at the very least.

little miss angry said...

ooohh... you poor thing you. but 'definitely not your smile'? i think i would have smacked you on the head. or wanted to ;)

Wombat said...

You're just playing hard to get.

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

this is pretty awesome. You and single guy would get along.
I'm following now...you got me.

Write Right Where You "R" said...

Hey,
I might need some husband advice! haha
PS, Hope are well. I've posted a question to readers on my blog! would you visit, and give it an answer!!!
Thanks so much for your help.
Linda

Steph said...

Cheeky Minx said it best. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Love your blog, by the way.

♥Aubrey said...

Dude...you're hillarious!!! She talked more than i would have :)-

Scandalous Housewife said...

Try the old adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" Chicks do NOT want to hear anything negative about themselves, silly, even if it is followed by a positive!

LOSTPLUM said...

seems to me someone else is "inept".

Red Chocers said...

oh god, you are hilarious!! if you want to start with a "compliment" like that better off typing it in one line...less effective but at least u won't run the change of being beaten

missykimmy said...

Somehow, I expected more from you, heh. But Susan didn't make it any easy for you either.

My bad, Suzanne.

Maybe redheads are just too much for you? (:

missykimmy.blogspot.com

Lou said...

'Definately not your smile' Oh dear fish, deary deary me.

I suppose you could look at this as a practice run for your date with Hannah! Hope it goes okay. Just try not to speak much...hehe :)

Kate Lightfoot said...

I love Uber Grumpys sleep on your stomach line!!!! Soooooo how did the date go???????! Kate

Bobman! said...

OH LOL.
I loved every damn word of this! - such a me kinda thing - You are my god!

.. I am going to learn from you. :)

(

Michael said...

Oh, no...

Imagine if they all were bloggers too. What would they be saying...?

Michael.
Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

birdykins said...

Haha sounds like she doesn't have much of a sense of humour about the situation. Were it me, I probably would have dared you to come up with a recovery from the bad-smile line. We would have laughed, you would have found your footing, things would have sailed on smoothly.

Look for a girl who can laugh. Everything else follows.

lil_fire_bella@xanga said...

Hahahaa!!!! oh my!
your quite unlucky!