The Shower Cap Date (1 of 4)

Took my hairdresser for drinks. Here's what happened:

Weatherman reckons it's going to rain. Text Emma asking her to bring a brolly - don't want my hair getting wet.

We're meeting at the train station in town. I arrive first. iPod's out of battery. Leave one earphone in anyway - make me look hip.

The huge glass ceiling is covered in bird droppings. Constellations start to emerge - it's like staring at the stars.

Hairdresser catwalks into view. Tight jeans hug her motherly thighs and I can just about spy a lacy bra beneath her white blouse. This is going to be some night.

"Just been looking at the pigeon poo," I say, to break the ice.

We both gaze up, pausing silently to absorb the faecal universe. Then Emma starts rustling in her bag. Pulls out two shower caps.

"Couldn't find a brolly so I brought these - thought we could start a new trend!" she explains, giggling at her own silliness.

I promise to wear one after a few drinks - she'll have forgotten by then.

Find a cheap bar. It's quite dark and some of the seats are ripped, but my Corona and her vodka and coke only costs £4.70.

The convo flows immediately. Emma seems happy to answer all my hairdressing questions - stuff like tipping etiquette (they bitch if you don't leave one) and whether she's ever deliberately ruined anyone's hair (once).

My date laughs when I ask if she's going on holiday this year. I'm on fire.

A Chinese guy is selling roses from a bucket. Wave him away. Offer to buy her some nuts instead.

We talk at length about my cat. Emma is genuinely interested in Mildred's depression. Even suggests a few things to cure her dodgy stomach.

In return I enquire about her little boy, Chris. He's staying at his dad's tonight.

"How long have you two been split up?" I quiz.

"Let's not talk about things like that, eh."

"Well, you seem to be making a go of things on your own anyway."

"Yes, I am."

"And I'm coping alright with Mildred."

Two single parents doing the best we can.

After three drinks and a terrible run on the quiz machine (my date didn't know who the Prime Minister was from 1957-63 - idiot) we agree to move on. It's chucking it down outside.

"You got them shower caps, then?" I say.

"Yippee," she yells, reaching into her handbag.

We leg it hand in hand down the road. A bar full of old men stare as we enter their haunt in plastic headwear.

Need the loo. Too pissed to care about washing my hands. Emma looks surprised at my hasty return. Rub each palm against my thighs - a fake hand dry to avert suspicion.

She's just finishing a text.

"Who's that?" I enquire.

"My twin sister," she replies.

Two for the price of one - get in.

We lose track of time chatting about childhood memories, baked beans, toothpaste and how the greenhouse effect is a myth.

Place a nervous hand on her right thigh as we sit in comfortable silence. She reciprocates by resting her head on my left shoulder.

"Bloody hell, it's 12am," she says, suddenly. "I've got to be up for work in the morning."

Pass a homeless busker on our way to the taxi rank. He's trying to play Wonderwall.

"Nah mate - you're doing it all wrong," I interrupt.

With that he hands me the guitar and I illustrate how to go from Dsus4 to A7sus4. Emma is awestruck.

We ask the tramp if he takes requests.

"Like what?" he grumbles.

"Do you know anything by U2?" I reply.

His mucky fingers begin strumming I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Emma starts singing, so I join in.

"That can be OUR song," I tell her as we finally leave the man in peace.

"How apt," she replies, laughing sweetly.

The two of us wait for a taxi outside an old city centre church which was bombed out during the war. It's here we kiss for the first time as raindrops bounce off our shower caps. I sandwich her face between my hands while we snog - girls can't resist that.

"We might as well share a cab, seeing as we live in the same neck of the woods," she says.

"You're just trying to get me back to yours, aren't you?" I tease.

"I couldn't do anything right now even if I was."

Must mean her period.

"Why, you on your blob?" I enquire.

A black cab rolls up before she can answer.

Twenty minutes later the taxi parks outside her flat. She looks perturbed as I follow her into the street.

"The fare's already extortionate," I explain. "My house is only a 10-minute walk from here."

We exchange a final kiss goodnight against a damp lamppost. Slot my hands in her back pockets.

"See you soon," I say, already a couple of strides away.

Emma smiles but doesn't reply as she watches me disappear into the night.

65 comments:

Hunter said...

I liked this one a lot. The whole pigeon poop constellation thing was both funny and very inventive.

Good luck on date #2.

Skye Blue said...

Liked this post and the fact that you bravely donned a shower cap on your first date.

Here's hoping the second date goes just as well.

p.ham said...

woo!! you're on fire..kudos to the wonderwall playing.

Kate said...

Ha ha love the bird poo opener - definitely points for originality - can't wait to hear how it goes.

Kate xx

http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com/

Kato said...

Yay!! Although I am worried about her looking 'perturbed', all in all a sucessful date!

I am proud of you for wearing that shower cap! Can't wait for the second date!!

MrsAlbrecht said...

Dude, you mentioned her period -- on your first date. Not smooth at all. Even with her ambiguous comment, your retort is still kinda gross, juvenile and awkward.


I'm not as optimistic as your other readers.

For your sake, because I know how you've been pining for her, I hope I'm wrong.

Best wishes.

Little Sophie said...

She sounds amazing, please don't screw it up!
I can't wait to hear the rest of this.
You did well, if it was me, I'd totally go on a second date with you.

Gillian said...

Love the shower cap trend! I may just try it.

Bamberio said...

An encapsulation of a perfect modern day romance. With shower caps.

Brilliantly written and a wickedly funny post, especially the bit about the faecal universe.

Can't wait to read about date two. Sticking to the showering theme, do you think loofahs might be involved when you next meet up?

RenRexx said...

sound like it went better this time...... god i hope so......

Dater at Large said...

Oh the sweet success of a great first date. Yay! Emma seems quirky and sweet, great combo. Keep us posted...

Lainey. said...

You did not. You did not ask her if she was on the blob? I don't believe you.

I may have been cringing when I read the Wonderwall part.

Apart from that - sounds top banana.... here's to more!

lainey.

Aion said...

Bravo! Sounds like you both had a great time and I'm sure you'll get a second date.

Another Face, said...

Man, you guys sound made for each other, best of luck mate :)

Charli, x

http://charlichild.blogspot.com/

neda said...

bahaha, i love the bird poo thing. that sounded so perfect, like it was written :)

Charlene said...

Awwwwwwww!!! SO sweet! If she IS the one, please do drag out the infatuation so we can all live vicariously through you for a while. :-) Glad you had a nice time!

mo.stoneskin said...

Points about your haircut indeed. LOVED the pigeon poo line, mine if I borrow that sometime? Borrow as in use in real life I mean, I think it carries an air of intelligence and sophistication.

Anonymous said...

I really hope you go on a second date with this girl, she sounds lovely and totally up for a laugh.

Betsy x

Kontakt said...

Nicely done. You know it's a great date when you feel comfortable kissing someone in a shower cap in public.

And yes, we do love it when you hold our face in your palms and kiss us, sigh...

theblueeyedboy said...

Did you seriously ask her if she was on the "blob?" You nutter! Sounds like an awesome date, though.

Single and Shallow said...

Dude, can I say that I absolutely love that you brought up her 'blob' on your first date...simply amazing. I would have laughed my ass off so kudos to you. Can't wait to hear about the second date (it will happen)!

Sparkless said...

Now I know why you have trouble with women, you don't bring up her period ever!!!! LOL!

Lou said...

Moving swiftly on from you knowing her time of the month (wrong on many awkward levels) it sounds like a major success, Fish! Congrats. Keep us updated. Yeah, like you needed telling! :)

You Make My Date said...

Fish, I am SUPER super excited to hear about your fantastic date!
Although asking if she's on the blob...if she was, she'd probably eat your head for asking.

Luck with the second date x

PS. Will get around to replying to your email soon.

UberGrumpy said...

Harold Macmillan

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

<<HIGH Five Fish<< You have a second date dude!

Now, about Mildred. I see the picture you have up here and she's down cause that hat she's wearing makes her look fat. :)

Wynn said...

Awesome! Sounds like it turned out well.

But seriously, blob? It's okay to use that word randomly where you live? Sounds like giving birth to something slimy. Ugh.

You have my hopes for another great date!

Aunt Juicebox said...

You're pretty awesome, you know? Hopefully she sees that.

SavvyD said...

You didn't wash your hands? Next time a guy does that hands on the jeans thing, I will KNOW!

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Why are you so petty? I've noticed this theme in your posts. Taking her to the cheapest bar you can find on the FIRST date is just WRONG. Spend some money on her, if you want it to last and/or want anything in return.
Robyn

jo said...

this sounds like an awesome date! from the pigeon poo to the shower caps to kissing and making plans for a second date. awesome!

Kiki said...

Hello.
Thanks for your lovely comment. :) I appreciate you taking the time to look around a little and drop me a line.
I enjoy your blog, also. Highly entertaining.

Keren David said...

No one does small talk like you. Pigeon poo? On the blob? How can she resist?

Kitty Moore said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Kitty x

Dating Diva said...

OMG I love this girl! I was already taken in with the shower cap--means she is fun and creative! And brave!

What a great first date! I'm going to live vicariously through you. ;)

But PS. Girls do get annoyed when guys make comments about their "blob" (ha that must be a UK term!)--so my advice is to not poke fun like that, especially on the first date.

BugginWord said...

Yum. Just yum.

DiariesofaSerialDater said...

Fish, thanks for your wonderful feedback and honesty, I appreciate it!

Technolustmaxx said...

I like how you can get from pidgeon poo to sexual healing so quickly.

trustyourtechnolust.blogspot.com

JCON said...

Fish, you are hilarious.

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

sweet and sentimental. Nice one. Hope all goes well!

Ellie said...

the BLOB??? THE BLOB???? ye gods...

mosmo said...

Good blog... but if I understand correctly u didn't wahs ur hands after going to the loo and squeezed her face with them when u kissed her? Nice 1!

Big Girl said...

Love this. You are quite clever. I might scoop you up myself if I wasn't married and a giant cow!

Out of Sync said...

Haha well played sir, I am sure she can't resist your unique charm =P

TheUnwashedMass said...

Shower caps. Everyone'll be wearing 'em this time next year.

Cuddleslut said...

Oooooh. I'm sold!

MsBurb said...

Are you a tight-ass, Fish, or am I just too old fashioned???

That wasn't her period, you freak; it was the drinks! Geez!

...Men...sigh...(wink, wink)

Cordially (If Not Entirely Sober!)
MsBurb

Anonymous said...

quite frankly i respect the frugality, its a first date anyways. and at least you know she's not with you for your money.
buuut, if she is "the one," doesn't it mean this blog will come to an end?

Sorella said...

I found your blog today, it seems fun. What's going to happen with the blog if you find the love of your life?

Anyways, I like your writing :D. And Mildred - how awesome of a picture is that? I love cats.

Feel free to stop by my blog, focusing mostly on fashion, but also covering my life and music :).

http://wecangetwild.blogspot.com/

Christine Macdonald said...

A big Thank You to Jenny Mac for introducing us. :)

I am now following you and will be back for sure.

LOVE this!

*applause*

When Pigs Fly said...

Came across your blog in my travels. Lived in London for five years which really means nothing other than I thought I'd share. Good luck on the dating front. You will have to let us know if the hairdresser really is a keeper.

Matthew said...

This is fantastic. Vicarious living through blogs - no finer way to travel. :)

Bim said...

Your blog posts remind me of the adrian mole books i used to love reading. Good luck jn your next. Alwaaaaaaays wash ya hands.

Colin said...

Loved this series of posts, looking forward to reading about the second date!

-Colin

You Make My Date said...

PS. Fish, I've made a special mention of you on my blog entry "Handing out awards is like giving crabs to children. I mean, candy."

http://youmakemydate.blogspot.com/2009/12/handing-out-awards-is-like-giving-crabs.html

Merry belated Christmas and have a happy new year! :)

x S

obviouslyapseudonym said...

I've never read your blog before, but I do like it. It was funny, and all your British, gentlemanly charm made me grin. Here's to date number two. :D

I've decided, now that I have just made an account and started my own blog, to actively follow the ones that I enjoy. And, congratulations, you are now one of them. ^.^

*Follow*

Chrissy said...

First dates are grand. Don't so the second one and ruin it.

Dating Diva said...

P--Can you please go on another date with the hairdresser? I am getting way too antsy over here waiting for an update.

Chester said...

Fairdos mate, just read that at just before 7am, and now ready to get ready for work, so it's put me in a good mood for the only day I have to work in between Christmas & New Year!

"on the blob" - a British classic!

BlossomFlowerGirl said...

Shower caps? Hmmm...methinks I'd rather have wet hair.
Cheers.
Melbourne Daily Photo

alice uncensored said...

hold.

You're skilled enough on the gitbox to know the Dsus4 and A7sus4, you're a brit, and your name is Fish? hot damn, we're obviously meant to be, dear. quit stalling fate. (:

but emma sure sounds nice.

Doog said...

This filled my heart with warmth for some reason. really enjoyed. Esp "two single parents doing the best we can.." aww

Doog said...

ps ditto to the dude about the pigeon constellation. loved that.

Doog said...

just reread. love the wonderwall bit. and thanks for the chords.

Anonymous said...

January... :(

Update, required. It sounded such a good start, what happened?

Scuba