Come up with a plan. There's a supermarket round the corner from my flat - but a far longer hike to Tesco takes me past her shop. Might bump into one another.
Squeeze a few blackheads first, giving my face 10 minutes to recover before setting off. Mildred meows as I leave - her way of saying good luck.
Been walking quarter of an hour. Nearly there. Check my hair in a car window. Didn't spot the old lady sat reading a magazine in the passenger seat. Shoos me away.
No sign of my girl as I pass the shop. Chicken out of glancing through the window - she might think I'm stalking her.
Find everything on my list in Tesco, plus a bumper pack of loo roll for half price.
I'm back on her street. There's a short, blonde girl smoking a cigarette outside the barber's. Heart starts racing. It's her. She's spotted me.
Become very conscious of my stride - can't walk with a captive audience.
"Been shopping?" asks my hairdresser, swivelling her foot to extinguish the discarded fag end.
"Yep - got myself some bargains," I reply.
Hold the toilet paper in the air with an outstretched arm to illustrate my point.
"Nice. Did you buy me anything?"
"Er, I wasn't... I mean, I didn't think I'd see you."
"It's okay, I'm only messing."
She's got a lovely smile. Sweet, yet slightly sarcastic.
"Isn't there a supermarket round your way?"
Balls. How does she know where I live? Maybe she's been stalking me?
"It's cheaper down here," I counter.
Good thinking - girls like prudence.
A tall lad with short back and sides nods at her as he saunters past. Dickhead.
"How come you know where I live, anyway?" I interrupt.
"Saw you leaving for work the other day when I was dropping Chris at school."
With that my hairdresser bends down, licks her finger and wipes something off her shoe.
Suddenly I've got sight of a lime green thong rising up her lower back. Could she be any more obvious?
The show lasts a good five seconds before she finds her feet once more.
"Right, well, best get back to work."
Seconds later her amazing arse disappears through the barber shop door and I begin counting the days until my next haircut. That's when I'm going to ask her out. Just need to figure out what to say...