As most of you know by now, I'm going on a date with another blogger this week. Her at talesfromthetower.
Rapunzel asked me to choose what we do, but insisted it be something wacky - that way we'd have loads to write about.
Problem is, she rejected every single one of my ideas. Indoor skiing didn't tickle her fancy any more than a meal in a Michelin-starred restaurant. And I won't repeat her four-letter riposte when I suggested fly fishing.
So, I've been sacked as decision maker and told we're flying somewhere for the day. Belfast, to be specific. Home to some of the world's most brutal terrorists. Hardly a recipe for romance.
Anyway, there are one or two things Rapunzel needs to know before we do this. A few confessions, if you will…
- Some people get earache while flying - I get boners. Often as the pilot starts his descent. Not sure if it's the hostesses or air pressure or what. It's easy enough to deflate - I just tuck the little fella under my belt and think of Grandma. The latter probably won't be necessary on this occasion, what with Rapunzel being well into her thirties and talking like Mrs Doubtfire.
- One time, during a family holiday to Tenerife, I didn't think of Grandma - I walked hand in pocket to the loo instead. Which technically makes me a member of the Mile High Club.
- On the subject of toilets, I have a fast metabolism - so may have to disappear for 15 minutes three or four times during our date. Maybe longer if there are complications.
- If you make the grade, my sole aim throughout the day will be to get a snog. Tell me your hobbies or childhood memories - I won't be listening. I'll be trying to orchestrate a way to stick my tongue in your mouth. Techniques I might use to this end include: paying for dinner; talking about a second date; testing the water by attempting to hold hands/link arms; reading your palm.
- You should be warned, though - just because we kiss, doesn't mean I want to see you again. Sometimes a boy likes to practice.
- Oh, and finally - I will be making notes on my work iPhone during the date. The blog comes first…