As most of you know by now, I'm going on a date with another blogger this week. Her at talesfromthetower.Rapunzel asked me to choose what we do, but insisted it be something wacky - that way we'd have loads to write about.
Problem is, she rejected every single one of my ideas. Indoor skiing didn't tickle her fancy any more than a meal in a Michelin-starred restaurant. And I won't repeat her four-letter riposte when I suggested fly fishing.
So, I've been sacked as decision maker and told we're flying somewhere for the day. Belfast, to be specific. Home to some of the world's most brutal terrorists. Hardly a recipe for romance.
Anyway, there are one or two things Rapunzel needs to know before we do this. A few confessions, if you will…
- Some people get earache while flying - I get boners. Often as the pilot starts his descent. Not sure if it's the hostesses or air pressure or what. It's easy enough to deflate - I just tuck the little fella under my belt and think of Grandma. The latter probably won't be necessary on this occasion, what with Rapunzel being well into her thirties and talking like Mrs Doubtfire.
- One time, during a family holiday to Tenerife, I didn't think of Grandma - I walked hand in pocket to the loo instead. Which technically makes me a member of the Mile High Club.
- On the subject of toilets, I have a fast metabolism - so may have to disappear for 15 minutes three or four times during our date. Maybe longer if there are complications.
- If you make the grade, my sole aim throughout the day will be to get a snog. Tell me your hobbies or childhood memories - I won't be listening. I'll be trying to orchestrate a way to stick my tongue in your mouth. Techniques I might use to this end include: paying for dinner; talking about a second date; testing the water by attempting to hold hands/link arms; reading your palm.
- You should be warned, though - just because we kiss, doesn't mean I want to see you again. Sometimes a boy likes to practice.
- Oh, and finally - I will be making notes on my work iPhone during the date. The blog comes first…
39 comments:
I have a similar problem when on buses - either get travel sick, or diesel dick!
Rapunzel...when he does up his seat belt, look out of the window!
So let me get this straight: Your date with Rapunzel is likely to feature a heady combination of aeroplane boners, a trip to some terrorist hotspots, shitting and you attempting to lunge your tongue into her mouth from 40 yards.
Sounds magical. Any chance of recording it and sticking it on You Tube?
Kate x
Laughing,,,,really???? Wow!! And now you add another visual to your "while on the phone" comment on a previous post!! Shaking head--never a dull moment with you!!! Good luck on "snog" patrol-although I doubt you'll need it as charming as you are!!!!!
Fun post. Really looking forward to reading about the date!
Lets hope they have not introduced the new full body scanners at Belfast Airport yet...
Belfast is hardly a terrorist hotspot... Now if you were flying to yemen that would be interesting.
Oh my! The magic is over already.
Hahaha you have a very wild imagination and somehow very amusing...
Hi Fish,
Only just started reading your blog - very funny.
Not quite sure how your date with Rapunzel could blossom into a long-term relationship given the pressure of writing about it, but I'm sure you'll entertain us along the way!
(Or maybe you guys have hit upon a secret relationship recipe for success - broadcasting your perspective to the world!)
You'll be pioneers...!
Good luck,
Henry
Yogo Dating
Some people get earache while flying - I get boners
I adore you.
(don't forget to have FUN)
xxoo
these blog posts of yours are getting better and better! You clearly do well under the challenge of dating a fellow blogger although I'm not sure about those seduction "techniques" of yours :p this video I watched a bit of the other day might help you out there: http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2010/01/stealth-seduction-revealed-video/
You are insanely funny. So happy I found your blog!
Oh dear - Rapunzel, are you sure about this? No offence Fishy, think you'd make a great mate but a nightmare date!
Kitty x
Hmm, well I guess Rapunzel has a heads-up now. Is this to get back for the rejected date plans you made? At any rate, I look forward to reading about it!
Oh Fish, I heart your blog so much! Although I'm not sure self-service gets you membership into the mile high club...who knows, maybe Rapunzel will give you a hand there on the way back home?
...Haha I'm punny.
So when your date is on, it's your blog and F5 that's the shit? Real time updates? I'mma try to get out of everything else I have to do. Which day is it? Will I be needing popcorn? Can't wait!
Oh my god you are hilarious. I can't even say this to you enough. I would probably give you a snog just for being so gross and crude.
Try it with her, it might work!
I'm thinking you should trick her and tell her all of these crazy things you plan to do on this date so that she will be paranoid the whole time. Like for example, say "the little guy" again...you may just instill fear in her that you may be entirely small. LOL.
Having met Fishy on foreign shores, I'm now thinking I should have used a wetwipe after we shook hands...
You're amazing Fishy. I would say harsh if she reads this.
I would be cut, for being called an unattractive 30 year old that doesn't rustle the boat at all. Not a good first immpression.
I love your blog though. Think you're amazing actually :).
Charli x
True writing is fearless. And in honor of that you gave us "Fishy mid-flight boners." Awesome post.
Oh goodness.
Fishy, these are the kind of secrets you keep to yourself, and if you can't, reveal only once you've actually gone out with her.
Your lucky she's a girl of her word, and will still bother with the date (can't say I would)... at least you'll get a good story out of this.
Too right I read his posts Charli!
As do all my friends - it has caused a few problems actually...
Have a read of my brand new post, 'Open Email to Fishy' to discover why...
Sorry Fishy but it had to be done...By the way I didn't receive the memo with any date suggestions from you on it. Last I heard you hadn't thought of any. Weird.
Rapunzel x
www.talesfromthetower.co.uk
You're not the only one to get boners during flights. Sebastian got them too as we were hopping all over Europe. It's normal.
Can't wait to read both sides of the date!
PS...would hate to sit next to you during a flight...on second thought...:)
Really??? An airplane date??? how bizarre, and expensive!!!! and umm, whacking it in the bathroom doesn't count.. just sayin. there's always rapunzel though..
awww man....u totally ruined the moment.
i love this. i feel like i already know you so well now... and we're not even going out on a date!
Its getting weird....
Could be worse - could be Centerparcs.....
You on an airplane sounds like a nightmare, but that's what Rapunzel gets for taking the date suggesting away from you!
I love your blog! Very entertaining, I laughed out loud quite a bit. I've followed and will definitely continue reading. Good luck with rapunzel!
You tried to put me off Fishy but it didn't work.
We only went and did it! We went on a real-life adult date!
Looking forward to reading your perspective on the date but in the meantime I thought you might like an insight into the hours before I met you...
Rapunzel x
www.talesfromthetower.co.uk
Ah, so the date went ahead. When are we going to read about it then?
And that is a pretty 'out there' date- flying, that is. Jeez. A regular date down the pub is going to seem comparably boring from now on.
:)
i have a friend who told me he had the best sex on an airplane...now he may be lieing! :P
Have you ever just slept with a friend? Not sex-sleep, but sleep-sleep. I have, plenty of times, and there's nothing like awkwardly insisting to your friend that you like having a cushion... there.
Michael.
Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."
I LOVED YOUR BLOG, it is just the best thing. Great right, congratulation and keep it up. take a look at mine thedeadlaughter.blogspot.com
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