The Blogger Date (5 of 7)

A few weeks ago one of my readers suggested I date another blogger - namely Rapunzel over at talesfromthetower. Some of you warned me it would end in disaster - but did I listen? Did I heck. This week, after a month of tense build up, we finally met at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport before flying to Belfast for the day. This is what happened:

Strut into the terminal. Spot my girl waiting by the escalators. I slow down and take her in. Not bad for 33.

Something tickles my top lip. It's blood. Shaving cut.

"Hello you," says Rapunzel.

"Hey, I'm bleeding," I reply.

"What have you done?"

"Cut my lip shaving. I planned to kiss you on the cheek but…"

She rummages through her ridiculously large handbag and produces some Vaseline. The tin looks older than her. Bet it's got a few stories to tell. Reluctantly lubricate my lips, then pout in her direction for comic effect. She laughs.

Rapunzel seems distracted as we navigate passport control. Soon cheers up when the guard compliments her knife and fork earrings.

"I made them myself - only cost £1.20," she tells him.

Cheap and good with her hands - my heart skips a beat.

Then it dawns on me - she's flirting with another man. Tell myself off for getting jealous. This is meant to be about the blog - I'm not supposed to fancy her.

Explain that I get claustrophobic and need an aisle seat.

"That's fine," she says. "I prefer the window anyway."

Perfect. Until an overweight businessman nudges into the seat between us. Probably one of our followers hoping for an inside scoop.

Notice a wet patch on Rapunzel's top - right by her left titty.

"Thanks for pointing that out," she says, attempting to remove the stain with her sleeve.

"No problem."

"Just so you know, I'm not lactating."

The businessman turns and leers at her boobs.

"It must be coffee," explains Rapunzel.

"Whatever. This is blog gold."

"You dare!"

The sky is menacingly grey as our plane swoops into Belfast, touching down with a bump. We hop into a taxi and 10 minutes later arrive at a bistro that looked a lot classier on the internet. At least I remembered to print off some vouchers.

My date orders a chicken tikka baguette; I plump for Irish stew - which, when it arrives, resembles cat vomit.

She's wearing a jumper that exposes one shoulder. An elegant clavicle curves beneath her bare skin.

"You've got a really sexy shoulder," I say.

Our eyes lock - her green to my blue.

After dinner we head to Castle Place, where an open-top bus tour is due to leave in 10 minutes. My legs tremble in the cold as the driver slips into gear. Rapunzel places her cardigan on my knee for warmth.

"Did you knit that yourself," I joke.

"I'm 33 - not 73."

Obviously a touchy subject.

Our guide pipes up.

"We're about to pass the oldest English language newspaper in the world - The Belfast News Letter," he explains.

"Is it still publishing?" I query.

The other passengers turn my way, awestruck that I've been brave enough to ask a question.

"Yeah, that's why it's the oldest - obviously," retorts the guide.

A Japanese tourist smirks. Sarcasm is a universal language. Rapunzel flashes a sympathetic smile.

We drive past a succession of Peace Walls which divide Unionist and Republican families. Suddenly I'm back in politics class with my teenage crush Becky V - the first girl to hear me say 'I love you'. I told her in a text. Wonder how long it'll be before I type those three little words to Rapunzel…

Next stop is a shipyard where the Titanic was built in 1911. We pass an Ann Summers on the way. The guide glares at me.

"I don't need to explain to you what they sell in there, do I young man?" he says.

Everyone laughs.

"Blog gold!" snorts my date.

After the tour we stroll to a pub for a pint of Guinness. The conversation is so easy. Nothing seems off limits - even stuff you should never talk about on a date. Like anal itches.

Her earrings are making me hungry.

"Come on, let's go for tea before I eat your face," I say.

We head to the Europa Hotel, which was bombed 33 times by the IRA between 1972 and 1994. Nearly as troubled as my love life.

We're led to a table barely six inches from another couple. Rapunzel feels uncomfortable, so asks the waiter if we can move. He smiles politely but is clearly irritated. Hope he doesn't spit in our food. Need to lighten the mood.

"Sorry about her," I joke. "She's on day release."

He chuckles. Rapunzel doesn't.

Always like to try the local cuisine, so I order the chef's special - Thai green curry.

Rapunzel suggests splitting the bill.

"Don't be silly," I reply. "Just make sure you say how generous I am in your blog."

Flight leaves in 90 minutes so we book a taxi.

The departure lounge is dead. Rapunzel won't show me her passport photo. Snatch it from her hands.

"You look like a convict," I declare, laughing hysterically. Reckon I might have gone too far.

Challenge her to a thumb war as we take our seats on the plane. My opponent's thumb is limp and timid. Her heart isn't in it. Still, my trick worked - we're holding hands.

The flight back takes less than half an hour. It's late so, as planned, I'm driving her home to neighbouring Manchester.

Lionel Richie provides the soundtrack as I accelerate out of the car park. Strategically left him in the CD player this morning. More romantic than The Smiths.

She asks about my hobbies but her timing is awful. There are some choruses you just don't talk through. I turn to my date and sing in time with the music.

"You're once, twice, three times a lady."

Rapunzel looks disturbed - but she's only pretending.

Pull up outside her tower. She takes ages putting her scarf on.

"I've had a really nice time," reveals my girl.

"Me too."

We both smile, unsure what to do next. Fuck it...

"Gizza kiss," I say.

She leans across without hesitation but I intervene before our mouths collide.

"Sorry, that was a bit pushy. You don't have to. I mean, you can go for the cheek if you want?"

"Shut up."

Seconds later her lips gently find mine. We linger for 10 or 15 seconds, neither of us daring to stick a tongue in. Then I pull away. Always leave them wanting more.

For the first time I notice a lone dimple shaped like a half moon just below her right cheek.

"I'll call you tomorrow," says Rapunzel. "We need to talk about our blogs."

"I'd almost forgotten about those," I reply.

"Goodnight, Fishy."

"Goodnight, Rapunzel."


Bamberio said...

Oooh brilliant post and what sounds like a brilliant date. Eek! I am really rather excited for the pair of you. In a totally non-sexy way, obviously.

So are you meeting up again then or what?


A Daft Scots Lass said...

sweet said...

I'm getting it now that you two are going to belabor every painstaking detail for the billions of us voyeuristic followers. Good strategy. Glad it went so well that you've teamed on this one. I'll switch to team Fishy-Rapunzel.
But Fishy, you must see my latest post in which that Lionel Richie song is the #1 Worst song to play when you Want to Get Lucky.

Toni said...

Either you, Rapunzel and Bamberio are one and the same and this is a blog scam or it all happened and if so, it sounds like a great date. it just makes me laugh that you went to Belfast and took a bus tour, after all isn't Liverpool the unofficial capital of Ireland and isn't Manchester just a suburb of Liverpool? Still well done for trying out the "local cuisine" but how could you select Lionel Richie for your soundtrack, If soul was the way you were going you should have at least used The Reverend Al Green. Judging by your music and food choices can I suggest you have a followup date at a Karaoke night at a "theme" pub in Lakeside shopping center in Essex. It is further away than Belfast but you wont need your passports.

Dating Diva said...

Oh I love hearing this side of you! You sound smitten! This was a genius first date. I need to get creative like that. xx

Pete said...

Sounds like a winner, which destination next? I recommend Swansea

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

Sounds like you both had a great date. Can't wait to hear what will be next!

Bobby Allan said...

Aw, sounds like Fishy has a little crush.

William Greenback said...

Top class fella, I didn't read the other blog yet so maybe I'm jumping the gun but I loyal to the fishman keep it up chap!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Aha!!! You can be charming!!!!

Anonymous said...

Awwww. Glad you had a lovely date, can´t wait to hear more...

Sparkless said...

Hmmm so I'm guessing there will be a second date?

Anonymous said...

When's the second date? And how will you top flying to Belfast??

Kate said...

Aw sounds like it could be love!

Doog said...

"There are some choruses you just don't talk through..."

Keren David said...

Tender, touching and tasteless all in the same post. Great stuff. Do hope there's going to be another date.

Sarah said...

she is so cute! loved both entries.

neda said...

you guys are cute, i loved both entries.

Tara said...

Why can I never get on her blog? This is a great story and I can see the preview from my blogroll, but then I click on the link and can't read it!! Sounds like a great date though!!

Kelly said... love. Where do you plan to go on your next date?

Hunter said...

Sounds like a good date! Thumb-wrestling is fun until you're emasculated by a girly thumb with a French manicure...

Gonezo said...

YAY! That's a marathon of a date. Holy cow. Sounds like you both enjoyed yourselves.

I hope there's a second date and more in the future for all of us to hear about!

DJM said...

Sounds like it went great! can't wait to read where this all goes! :)

Wynn said...


Eszter said...

Is that her in the picture? :D

Pandorah's Box said...

Sounds like it went swimmingly! Love is in the air!

theblueeyedboy said...

This is my favourite entry of your so far.

Michael said...

Sounds like a good ending to the rollercoaster ride. Good luck with the next date!

Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

Dater at Large said...

Fishy likes a girl... Fishy likes a girl... and who knew? You can be sweet!

Umbra said...

A hilarious, witty, intriguing and highly entertaining post all in one, loved it!

Sounds like a fantastic day, and a great girl.

Little Sophie said...

Funny how two people can have such different ideas about a date.
You apparently had a blast as Rapunzels main feeling was awkwardness.
Maybe not the best date ever, but an interesting exeriment none the less.
I'm curious what may happend next between you two...

Kitty Moore said...

'I notice a lone dimple shaped like a half moon just below her right cheek' - could it be that Fishy is smitten?!

Kitty x

Ambitious1 said...

I love this!!

U sound like a teenager....awww so adorable.

Unknown said...

haha that sounds like a good time..

unrelated note

i passed an award on to you

Lou said...

After weeks of endless chatter about it, and constant promoting in the coffee shop, the day finally dawned! YAY for you! Sounds like an extreme date- 13hours- wow. I sense that you really like her too. Plus you both write in an eerily similar way- perhaps it is true love after all. Soulmates? Guess we have to wait and see...


Me-Me King said...

Awesome, I'm happy for your both!

Anonymous said...

Awesome, luv it. Stellar as always.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

That actually sounds quite lovely. I and think your date is beautiful for any age, earrings and all. You're very fortunate.

Spaz said...

I usually don't read such blogs because they tend to be retarded and make me puke.

I enjoyed this one.

I hope when I read Rapunzel's version, it's as good. Or bad. Or whatever.

TheUnwashedMass said...

If this gets serious, either these blogs or the relationship cannot survive. Our loss will be your gain, or vice-versa.

And, as far as shoulders go, that is pretty damn sexy.

Unknown said...

Different gravy Fishy you old dog!

Lifestyle Lookbook said...

Oh Fishy, you sly old dog! I noticed you left out the bit about running off to the pub and leaving poor Rapunzel. And you did make it sound like she wanted you to shut up so you could kiss her!

Brilliant as alwways, I can't wait to hear more from you too.

jo said...

you're a sly one aren't ya? :P

Elle Mosqueda said...

Great date!!!

Jae_Sexxx said...

Lol smooth guy I see. The Lionel was a bit odd to set the mood but, it got the job done. That was definitely worth my time.

Jenny DB said...

aaaw that's cute, now where's the link to hers? :) mwaahaha gotta see what SHE thinks!

Kate said...

Loving the use of King Lionel as a wooing tactic. Faultless play, Mr Fish. Or not as it turns out.
Loving your work though.

Kate x

Anonymous said...

Thank you, that was extremely valuable and interesting...I will be back again to read more on this topic.

Jo Hart said...

Great to read a MANS view of online dating, usually it's us ladies sharing our views.

Emy Watson said...

Oh I love hearing this side of you! You sound smitten! This was a genius first date. I need to get creative like that. xx
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