The Bombshell (4 of 4)

The wintery weather brought Liverpool to a standstill yesterday, so I challenged my hairdresser to a snowball fight down the beach. Little did I know she was about to drop a bombshell. This is what happened:

Doorbell rings twice in quick succession. She's 15 minutes early. Obviously desperate to see me.

Emma looks cute in layers. Think she's wearing two pairs of jeans. Imagine myself ripping them off. It's been a while since I undressed a woman - today I might do it twice. Just hope she hasn't doubled up on bras.

Our wellies crunch into the fresh snow as we stride carefully down the street. My date crouches to prepare a snowball but her aim is well off.

"You throw like a girl," I yell.

"It's not my fault - you're too small a target," she responds.

"I'll have you know I'm average height for a man."

"You're only 5'8 - that's not average, Fishy."

"Worldwide it is. I'd be tall in Japan."


She humours me with a chuckle before scampering on to the beach. Her footprints expose brown sand beneath the snow like coffee in a cappuccino.

A lonely snowman stares out to sea. Emma attempts to down him with a dropkick but this fella has been built to last.

Snot drips from my nostrils as we slide down a dune. Flick away the remaining slime with an index finger while my girl isn't looking.

"Last time it snowed like this I'd just started going out with Chris's dad," she reveals.

"How long ago was that?" I enquire.

"Fourteen years."

"You started seeing him when you were 13?"

"Yep."

"And how long were you together?"

"Well, actually, almost 14 years. We only split up two months ago."


I step back but remain silent. It's Emma who speaks next, telling me she's going to stay with her auntie in the Isle of Wight for a week or two. Clear her head.

"And when you get back - will I see you?" I ask.

"The thing is, I'm not really…"

"Ready for a relationship?"

"I think I need to be single for a while."


"So why did you go on a date with me?"

"Because you asked and because we got on - we get on."


An ageing Rottweiler limps past, ignoring calls from his teenage owner in the distance.

"Guess I'm not going to get those free haircuts, then?" I joke.

"Is that the only reason you asked me out?"

"Worked out I'd save £96 a year."


Emma's smile is bracketed by blonde strands of hair protruding from her bobble hat.

Decide it's best to head back, though we chat easily while walking through the marina. I've always been good at break-ups - even difficult ones like this.

Take in her perfume through my runny nostrils as we embrace for the final time.

"I'll see you for your next cut, then?" she says.

"You will."

With that, after three dates and one bathroom indiscretion, Emma is gone.

57 comments:

Bamberio said...

Another great post but I'm sorry that things didn't work out with you and Emma. Hope you're OK x

Lainey. said...

Oh Fishy... that sucks the big one.

At least she came clean now rather than in another 3 dates time.

Chin up. x

Wynn said...

Awwwwww. I'm sorry. Hope you're okay and maybe you can be friends, since you haven't gone that far and like eachother. I understand why she would need to be single. Bummer though.

Chrissy said...

Well, that stinks. People need at least a year to heal. I have an uncanny ability to date them way before they're ready.

Anonymous said...

Awwwww. Shame about the timing, sounds like you had a good thing going there for a minute. If its any consolation I ended up marrying my "rebound therapist" as I rather aptly named him. My advice is to move on but keep in touch, if its meant to be, it will be...

Keren David said...

Very sad...but at least it didn't drag on for months.
If you can bear to look in at a party then Yunalenska is hosting one for me at http://nayusreadingcorner.blogspot.com/2010/01/keren-davids-when-i-was-joe-online.html
Lots of singles mingling. All welcome!

p.ham said...

i find looking at your blog title may help you through the tough times. mine's MLIA. hehe.

i'll go now.

Selina A.G aka Nerdy said...

hey Fishy,

Really sorry it didn't happen for you and her, but at least she was decent enough to tell you now than later.
All the best!

Dating Diva said...

Oh my. I am so sorry to hear that. :( But you were brave and took a chance with this girl. I'm glad to hear that she broke up with you to your face though...here in the states people either stop calling all together, do it by email, text or IM. We suck at breaking up.

Little Sophie said...

awh, you poor thing.
I feel sorry for you, though you seem to take it pretty well.
To be honest, you could have seen that one coming.
She was acting a little wierd after all.
And you know, there are plenty more fish in the sea...
good luck with the next girl
xo

http://littleprincesssophie.blogspot.com

Kato said...

As a girl, I want to say that sometimes, girls suck.

Sorry ladies! I think she should not have gone on a date with you if she had a FOURTEEN year relationship that just ended.

I am sorry man. Maybe she has some cute, emotional detached friends?

Toni said...

From your descriptions of her it doesn't sound like you were that into her anyway so no harm done. Anyway its a shame that is hard to find a girl over twenty eight that doesn't have children/cancer treatment/rehab story/prison sentence or all of the above as baggage. Perhaps your looking too hard. It is a cliche but you always tend to get lucky when your not looking for anything - dating a girl to save ninety six quid on haircuts is hardly Gone With The Wind stuff.

That Gal Kiki said...

Sounds like she was testing the waters... with HERSELF. You just happened to be on the exam sheet. Sorry brother. I hope your heart wasn't too invested. Come visit Laguna Beach and we'll laugh it up. XXOO

Melanie's Randomness said...

Oh dear I'm sorry to hear about the hairdresser. When i started reading your blog you were picking between 3, amongst which was the hairdresser. Better that it didn't go on much longer if she wasn't interested. Cyber *Hug*. There is alot of fish in the sea fishy. =)

Hunter said...

Great post. Bum situation.

Better luck next time.

A Woman Scorned said...

Oh that's sucky Fish! I saw the title of your post and thought you'd had a wicked date with a blonde bombshell....I'm sorry it's the other kind...of bomb.

Kitty Moore said...

Sorry to hear that Fish but I'm sure you'll bounce back pretty quickly!

Kitty x

Gillian said...

Poor bugger. Emma sounds too kewt.

Ash said...

So sorry for you Fishy :(

mosmo said...

Chin up Fishy...plenty more fish in the sea

Ash said...

She'll be back...

Aion said...

Toni your comment was both sad, true AND made me laugh..

Fish.. I'm sorry it didn't work out.. however as Little Sophie said ... "there are plenty more fish in the sea...
" can't wait to hear about your NEXT experience :)

Aion

ByDSea said...

I don't know, maybe I'm a hopeless romantic but it doesn't sound quite like the end to me. Maybe give her some space, when she comes back from her get away maybe she will be refreshed and ready to take things slow. I think it sounds like you did get on well together. And I loved your flirty innuendo regarding the haircut savings...keep an open mind, things just may work out after all. Maybe she is wondering if your really into her and willing to hold out.

freckledk said...

I agree with Ash. She'll most definitely be back (but you'll likely have filled her spot by then).

Single and Shallow said...

Yikes! That is an effing long relationship. She definitely needs some time to herself to sort things out. I think she'll be back too. In the mean time, find yourself some good sex :)

Stylez said...

What a tease. And to just casually toss it out there like that. Prostitute time.

Farila said...

I feel sorry for her.. It must have been tough to be in that situation.. Falling in love at 13 and breaking up at 27.
I feel sorry for your thermometer situation... She used you like a thermometer.

RenRexx said...

I guess she probably thought that jumping into dating again would help heal her, but she didn't get swept off her feet as easily.

it's good it ended early on and that she didn't take you for a ride.

i still think the pet shop girl is a better match for you

Ca88andra said...

I'm very bad at breakups! But at least she told you reasonably early on. On to the next date?

Dater at Large said...

Heart wrenching! Onto the next...

Sam Brown said...

Sorry to here it did'nt work out but atleast it gives you something good to write about if it's any consilation hehe.

http://teenkennedylobotomy.blogspot.com/

Ian (Socialknight) said...

Stand tall Fishy! She'll be back...
Love your style mate.

Anonymous said...

i think you saved yourself trouble in the long run. plus she had a kid. and the kid will always come first. better off finding someone who doesn't have that kind of baggage.

Sparkless said...

Ah well she wasn't the one then or maybe she'll come to her senses and realize you are the catch of the century!

shabbyimpressions said...

And that is why women are rubbish. I think it's out of order, no excuse at all.

It's all very well for people to say she was testing the water, but any idiot knows that seeing someone 2 months after finishing a 14 year relationship is not gonna work.

Unlucky mate, just keep cracking on like I do. :)

Jenny DB said...

this is a 'bad' breakup? oh dear:)
new reader here. like your style!

Cheryl said...

Oh that bites. Sorry matey.. Now, onto better things.. I have fallen in love with your blog - I spent half the night in bed last night on the lap top reading it. Well done, no male has kept me up that long in quite a while ;-)

secret agent woman said...

Oh, that's too bad, but good she is being honest.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Ugh! That sucketh to the extreme! We've got a good posse here; I say we go beat her up for you.

Seriously though, that is very uncool. I can understand her side a bit, and am glad she told you early on, but still...uncool.

Rupie Fowler said...

Hey Fishy,

I'm a new follower. Been enjoying your past posts lots. Top drawer stuff, fella !

I can't help thinking you're handling this brilliantly, mind. I reckon she's probably regretting it as you read this.

You're clearly getting all the sympathy with this very cleverly written post....and for that, I salute you.

Be lucky !

Carol said...

awww poor fishy, I think I may love you, or at least your writings. Anyway, as my friends and I say, you may not be perfect for everyone but you are perfect for someone.NEXT!!

Cuddleslut said...

OH NO!

Maybe after she's away for a few weeks absence will make the heart grow fonder.

Anonymous said...

This aint over!

Test the waters again during your next cut ;p

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Sorry for your loss. I do think this is the most well written post of yours since I started following many months ago, though. Pain does bring out great creations.

Hope you won't pine for the re-date, and thanks for visiting and giving feedback on that matter.

Robyn

Lexicon said...

Bad luck mate. in the category right girl wrong time.

there were some other girls on your initial poll, onwards to #2

Indigo said...

Life's like a thunderstorm, some we like some really suck, some are fantastic..others middle of the road. I feel for you.. bin there been dumped, and it hurts, we feel down, but you will experience a wicked thunderstorm and when the rain settles you will have your girl... you will love again, it will be the right time and woth the right girl xx

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

Tall in Japan?? He, he. Such a nice post - shame it's not a happy ending.

Ani said...

Sorry to hear its over Fish. At least this one wasnt depressed or flaky. I Guess you will never know about the vagina :(

I'm sure the pain and torment could be very inspirational though!!!!

xxx

30-F-London said...

I am a little relieved after reading your tweet "Not sure I'll be seeing the hairdresser again" the first thought that crossed my mind was that you let her swim with the fishes... And no that's not a euphemism!!

Good luck on your next conquest...

PS According to wiki the average height is 5 ft 8 and a half inches (male height).

L. Cunningham said...

Awww. Well she just wasn't the one for you. Don't fret about it.

Fallon said...

the fucking bitch! i'm genuinely gutted!

ziazitella said...

Ah, ya know, she wasn't really my pick for you. Seemed like something was off w/ her in the prior posts.
My friends, however, who have found your blog thru mine, are sad and believe you should try the US for a while. Not sure if they're hoping to get you themselves or not though? ;)

Aunt Juicebox said...

Pet shop girl still an option?
Maybe Emma will be back in a few weeks and ready to date you again.

theblueeyedboy said...

I've been living vicariously through you these past months, so this was a little painful to read. Sorry it didn't work out.

Kate said...

I've just found your blog and I'm really glad I did as it's brilliant! So sorry things didn't work out with you and Emma and I hope that you are feeling OK.

Kate x

Please have a look at my new blog:
http://search-for-the-perfect10.blogspot.com

Jzt 4 me... said...

Hey I am sure Fishy is absolutely fine..after the initial effect of the Bombshell, he should feel some uneasiness for some time...but soon hes gonna be back in full action...What a reason for dating..."Bcoz u asked"...lol!!!, she'll really land in deep trouble if she start going out with anybody who ask her out... By the by, Fishy, dont worry, you will considered tall at my place...more over 5'8'' is not short...above 5'5'', is considered talllllll...Visit our place and you will get loads of hot and sexy females...who are not only single but also ready to mingle ..lol!!!

jzt4me.blogspot.com

Tom Bradshaw said...

I'm Glad your so Honest!!