The Sleepover (7 of 8)

Finally rescheduled the curry date with my hairdresser. Ended up back at hers. Here's what happened:

Restaurant looks packed. Emma holds the door open for me. Waiter asks if we've booked.

"No, is that a problem?" I enquire.

The man steps back, strokes his goatee and invites me to survey the dining room. Not one spare table.

"Well, how long is the wait?"

"Twenty minutes."

We order some drinks and make ourselves comfortable on an old leather sofa in the lobby. An arctic draught tickles our ankles every time the door opens. Emma looks freezing.

"New trainers?" she asks.

"No, not these," I lie. "Look at all the scuffs."

Half an hour later we're hurried to a table beside a man wearing a cravat and his wife.

Emma challenges me to stick a whole onion bhaji in my mouth. Easy. Cravat Man adjusts his napkin and glances over with a scowl.

Try to look interested as she chats about her day. Girl talk. Thankfully the waiter interrupts with our mains. Two jalfrezis. She wants to taste some of my garlic naan.

"Should have ordered some yourself," I say.

She laughs - thinks I'm joking.

My girl heads to the bog. Got a bit of bellyache myself. Scrape some chicken on to her plate - don't want to appear lightweight.

We're both too stuffed for dessert. Pay the bill without checking the damage. Emma's clearly impressed.

"Fancy going for a drink somewhere?" I say.

"Why don't we get a six pack and walk along the beach instead?"

It's the middle of winter. This girl has a screw loose. Guess that's why I like her.

The Irish Sea looks angry as we step on to the firm sand with a carrier bag full of cheap lager. Emma's talking but the wind steals her words.

We find shelter in a dune and chat about books, aliens and how I had worms as a child.

"Isn't this romantic?" she whispers, but I'm distracted by a rumble in my tummy.

"That was my stomach, by the way - not my bum," I say.

"Thanks for the clarification."

Time to put the feelers out.

"So, you got to get back for the babysitter, then?" I enquire.

"No, Chris is at his dad's again."


"Cool. Tell me more about his dad - how long have you been separated?"

"I told you last time, I don't really want to talk about it."


"It's okay. Look, it's getting late. Do you want to walk me home?"

We bury our empty cans in the sand and set off towards her flat.

Emma sketches a penis on the frozen windscreen of a Ford Fiesta. Her testicles are massive.

"You're going to be disappointed if you think mine are that big," I quip.

"Well I've got no intention of finding out just yet," she says, as we step on to her porch. "Though you can stay over if you want?"

Patience, Fishy - patience.

Need a wee. Toilet seat isn't fitted properly. Have to hold it upright as I piss. She'll have to get that fixed. Brush my teeth with an index finger while weighing myself on her bathroom scales.

Emma's folding some washing as I venture into the bedroom. Grab her round the waist and start nibbling her ear cartilage. We collapse on to the bed - so much for not doing anything.

She asks me to turn away. Probably going to surprise me with some sexy lingerie.

"You can look now."

A laboured smile decorates my face as I swivel to see her wearing pink Betty Boop pyjamas.

We cuddle under the sheets. Arch my bum back a few inches so she doesn't notice the little stiffy poking through my boxers.

Emma dozes off. Erection isn't waning. Whisper her name. No response. I rise slowly and creep towards the door - going to sort myself out in the bathroom. Good job she's got laminate.

Skulk back into bed. Soon drop off. Next thing I know it's morning and I'm being ordered out.

"Chris is getting dropped off soon," she explains.

"Can't I meet him?"

"I think it's a bit soon for that."

"Fair enough - you don't want to introduce him to any old bloke, I suppose."

"Well, sort of. Anyway, enjoy the walk of shame."

"You mean the stride of pride?"

She giggles while leading me to the door. Pull away from our goodbye kiss - her breath stinks.

Can sense my girl waving from the window but I don't look up - got to keep her guessing.

Going to suggest a day trip for our third date. A stroll in the countryside or something. Then she'll come back to mine. No Betty Boop pyjamas there. Or laminate.


Wynn said...

Exciting! You're a bit pushy I would think, about seeing the kid and stuff. Period-comment and such. But everyone's different right? :D

Toni said...

I think for the next date you should do your city a favour and have a sexual experience, not necessarily intercourse - perhaps just cop a feel in a location made famous by the Beatles. Think of it as an alternative to the usual Cavern Club trail laid on for the Japanese and us Londoners.

A.S. said...

You made me laugh when you said she has a screw loose but that's what you like about her. It seems you had a really nice date.

Eddie said...

love the comment "stride of pride" scouse wit at its best

Anonymous said...

She seem's like one to be slightly careful of,.... her comments were flippant and not exactly showing that she did actually like you! BEWARE!!!!
(all the best if I'm wrong though!)

peeham said...

that stomach grumble moment made me laugh out loud. gratuity. that posh speak for 'tip'?

erin said...

Some people just don't want to share their food...are you an only child? Or the youngest child?

Would make sense.

Sounds like a wonderful time though...except for the no sex part.

Skye Blue said...

Pyjamas and a stinky breathed kiss in the morning? This girl sure isn't working hard to impress you.

Good luck with it anyway.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I think the fact that she let you sleep over (even if no sex) on a second date is a big deal. She could have just told you to go home!

This post was funny. I especially liked her daring you to stick a whole bhaji in your mouth. LOL.

RenRexx said...

well- a bit more of an improvement this time around, though i wish you would cut the smug crap every once in a while, like letting her sip from your drink.......
ever notice that she's flirting when she's doing that?

anywho- PLEASE dont screw the next one up.......

Keren David said...

I'm with Selina...beware. She sounds sweet but a bit confused.

Hunter said...

Fun post, as always. Good luck on date #3.

Loved the line about the wind stealing her words. Lately, I'm finding more lines in your posts that make me stop and want to read them again (in a good way).

Bamberio said...

A sleepover + pink fleecy Betty Boo pyjamas = ?

That's a mixed message if ever I saw one.

Oh and tough luck on only having a "little stiffy" ;-)

Lola Jayne said...

Ha ha... u made me laugh. Mildred is a cool name, I hope she gets better soon. By the way go to tesco or asda on monday nights to do your shopping as apparantly that's when single women do their shopping. ( A single male friend of mine informed me). x

Aunt Juicebox said...

Talking about a third date! Way to go!

Marc said...

Always rub one out BEFORE the date. This way, there's no need to soil the bathroom tiles if you don't get laid. And if you do get laid, your extra lasting power will make you look like a champ.

Unknown said...

Sounds like it went well to me. She wouldn't let you sleep over if there was no interest. Good Luck with date 3.

Lou said...

Fish, brilliant as always! I laughed out loud at the massive testicles on the window of a Ford Fiesta! I pictured it. I really did. Haha.

Has hairdresser something to hide? About her ex? Or her kid? How old is Chris? I keep thinking he's going to be 13 years old or something!

Lou :) x

Rapunzel said...

Weird, cause in my experience it is normally the guy that suggests sharing a bed and they promise that nothing will happen and it'll just be nice to 'lie there together' blah blah.

I find that 'Lie' is the operative word..!

Pete said...

I dont know fishy, when did hairdressers become so prude? And not brushing her teeth before kissing you in the morning, where is her pride? Time to find another fish......

secret agent woman said...

It's official - I don't understand British dating. Why would you sleep together without sex - what's the point? And why would you not want to share a taste of your food with someone you want to have sex with? And why would you not tip at the restuarant - is that acceptable there? And weren't there trashcans or recycling bins so you wouldn't be leaving litter on the beach? And finally, why in the world would ask to meet her child so soon?

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed your beach conversation, about....books, aliens and how you used to get warts as a boy. Can't wait to hear what you talk about next.


Painting Rainbows said...

Lol nice blog. I have to wonder if your quoted comments are very real or made more exciting for the writing aspect. So that was a first date, eh? said...

Kudos for just picking up the bill without looking (but no tip, seriously?).

Good move on her part to find a Ford Festiva to "decorate," Used to drive one, and I didn't know anyone did anymore. Perhaps no one ever will again, though, since she left it decorated.


Spee said...

Really enjoyed this... can't wait for the 3rd date update.

Gonezo said...

hahahha did you really brush your teeth while you were on the scale??

I just love your sense of humor and style of writing.

Pandorah's Box said...

Sounds like a lovely night. Can't wait to hear about the next one...

Also, you make me laugh A LOT.

Hooking Up in Hanguk said...

"New trainers?" she asks.

"No, not these," I lie. "Look at all the scuffs."

Ha, nice move.

Ca88andra said...

Very funny post! Good luck with the next date.

Kitty Moore said...

I think you need to get to the bottom of what happened with her ex - may give you an insight into her psyche that could prove invaluable - although you are probably too pre-occupied with getting laid to care right now :p

Kitty x

Princess T said...

You took her out for dinner and didn't make reservations?! No wonder you had to sort yourself out... ;-) you'll know better for next time.

Dating Diva said...

Wow, so many times I laugh out loud and say, "He did NOT!"

No sharing your food? No tipping? Leaving cans on the beach? Rubbing one out in her bathroom--oh my word--you need to do that BEFORE the date silly!!!

Ok a few things, the sleep over is not a mixed message. I've done that before, asked a guy I liked to sleep over but didn't want to yet ruin anything with sex b/c it was only the 2nd date. Although I totally got up first to brush my teeth before he woke up.

Second, you totally need to get to the bottom of the ex thing. If she is not willing to talk about it, then she is hiding something. Believe me, I am going through a divorce. But don't push about seeing the kid; it is far too soon.

Lastly--you sooo need to show this girl you like her! You are playing it far too cool and she may read your messages the wrong way.

Ray said...

This was simply amazing. I have a new found respect for you.

Taking care of yourself in her bathroom - you're officially my hero.

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

Next date. Hmm..I'd say physical activity like biking or hiking or even something extreme. Like window-shopping...Lol.

At least she's comfortable to slip into the Betty Boop PJs already...

Roxy said...

haha i enjoyed my stride of pride this morning!

You're quite the gentleman, can't wait to see how this turns out.

Kris said...

Haha I really like all your stories (Well at least the ones i've read). Very insightful and exciting. I did have a good laugh about the Betty Boop pj's. Can't wait to here about the next date :)

Hannah Miet said...

"Pay the bill without checking the damage"

I always wish we could do that in the states. But even if I just plopped down a wad of cash, I'd be over or under tipping.

If ever in the UK, it's on.

Nicole said...

Hey Fish! I found your site through my Dad's (Aion) blog.

I love, love, love your blogs about your hairdresser! Hilarious, I'm just sayin'.

I'm now a follower! Thanks for blogging.

xoxo Nicole :)

Simone Grant said...

Love the story (and you know that a great story is all in the telling). I'm in the camp that says be careful. Something doesn't sound right with her. Or maybe she's just being really guarded.

Bobby Allan said...

"emma holds the door open for YOU". I think I see your problem...

jo said...

i love how you tell the story. it made me laugh. sounds like a good date.

Cortesan said...

brushing your teeth with your index finger and weighing yourself at the same time is very talented. She is the reason I have a job. Add up all the money spent on dates that don't end in sex and I'm much cheaper ;) can't wait for the next installment.


Christine Macdonald said...

It's official. I adore you.

Lainey said...

I'm surprised you didn't make more of an effort to try it on with her!

I've had boys stay over just cause I didn't want the date to end but I didn't want to sleep with them just yet. It's all good.

I like her choice in PJ's. Anything to slinky would have just given you a subliminal come on.

So how much do you really like her? Do you really want to meet her sprog?

Rosalyn said...

Good luck, sounds like it's going well...

Though, to me, I'm afraid, the not sharing the naan would be a bit of a killer, and if I caught you putting more on my plate, that too. I like to share a bit of food together in restaurants, more to try! Then it's kind of a shared food tasting experience. And popping food onto my plate would just be a killer because of the dishonesty.

Burying cans in the sand - not impressive, its a bit lazy and dirty, and it will come back as painful karma next time you want to have sex on the beach.

The not looking up is also a bit contrived.

Her letting you stay over but not giving you anything I think is good behaviour on her part, it shows definite interest, but also that she wants you to take her seriously.

I find it odd that she won't speak about the ex, but he may have abused her or something, which would explain her reserve. So I don't blame her really...

You wouldn't be a match for me, but sounds like you two work alright!

Cheryl said...

Hi there,

I'm a new reader of your blog and it looks like I'm addicted already :-)

Jzt 4 me... said...

Hey Fish,
U r cool man...But helping urself in her bathroom wwould be like HEIGHT OF COURAGE...Imagine she has a camera in there...just for the fun!!!She would have analysed u as in the HEIGHT OF DESPERATION...just joking...
But defenitely I would tell u smthing...if u r really interested in her and if she's...then u both should know each other well...else life is too difficult to move on with secrets pumping against ur heart...uhmmmm....
I am sure, she just needs to read ur blogs to know ur romantic side..haha!!!

Banksy said...

Top stuff again!!

Sorting yourself out in the bathroom - very very funny!!!

Trouble is I've now got a horrible image stuck in my head!!

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

Glad to hear you had a good time! Fantastic post - bold, funny and intelligent.

Welsh Girl said...

My god - romance isn't dead in Liverpool yet is it??? Great post though.