The Hairdresser (1 of 8)

Thinking of asking out my hairdresser. Here's the story of how we met two weeks ago…

Been single 18 months and after a lot of soul-searching I've realised it's my barber's fault. So today I'm going somewhere new. Seen a traditional place 10 minutes down the road - that'll do.

Everyone looks round as I walk in.

Three hairdressers go about their business: a spotty lad wearing mucky trousers; a fat bloke whose combs are tucked neatly in his shirt pocket; and a cute little blonde with an amazing arse. I'm up next.

The guys finish simultaneously. Need to stall - a few more seconds and cutey will be free. Pretend to send a text.

It works. I look up, walk straight past mucky trousers and fatty, and plonk myself in the girl's empty chair.

"What are you having done, love?" she enquires, tying a black cloak tightly round my neck.

"Use your discretion," I instruct.

She grins before skipping to the radio. Turns it up. Obviously likes Madonna. Starts singing.

If I'm smart then I'll run away, but I'm not so I guess I'll stay. Heaven forbid, I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger…

A split-second of eye contact as she delivers this provocative line tells me I'm in.

Mucky Trousers sneezes - then continues without washing his hands.

"Don't you be doing that," I warn cutey.

Her smile reflects off the mirror and straight into my heart.

"If you ARE going to sneeze," I continue, "I suggest directing it down your top."

"That way no one else is exposed to germs," she agrees.

I'm in love.

"The only downside is it can result in smelly nipples," I add.

She raises her brow in faux shock but can't contain a giggle for long.

We all look round as a pensioner limps in. He's called Henry - everyone says hello.

"Hello, Henry," I shout, trying to fit in.

Cutey spots me eyeing a photo next to her clippers.

"That's my son, Chris. It's his sixth birthday next week - we're having a party."

Was that an invite? Would I have to bring a present?

Check her left hand - no wedding ring. Probably a single mum. I'd make a good step-dad. I look after Mildred okay.

Start getting a boner but it's covered by the black cloak.

"Almost done," says cutey while it's still raging.

Think of Nanna, think of Nanna.

"Is this okay for you?" she enquires.

"Best haircut I've had in years," I lie, adjusting my fringe as she heads to the till.

"That's £6.80, please."

Can't wait for my next haircut.

28 comments:

Scarlet said...

ooh I think I picked well!

Great potential

Doog said...

Funny blog lid. Did Mildred calm down once X Factor had finished? How did you deal with her?

Innocent Owner Of Mad Cats said...

hmmmmm, sounds like she didn't cut a lot off so you would come back sooner. Plus she giggled at your smelly nipple joke. So far so good

Hunter said...

Since the cut was less than stellar, you aren't risking your looks if things don't work out. Of course, if they do, you might have to endure a lifetime of subpar haircuts. ;)

I've actually been mulling over a post about hairdressers. Alas, maybe one day...

Keren David said...

No one does chat up lines like you do. How can she resist?

LOSTPLUM said...

and if all else fails you can introduce her to the hairy waitress.... ;)

Aion said...

Hmm.. could go either way.. good flirt though :D I'm all up for taking chances my friend any day! don't wait tooo long though... and this time keep the date a little bit shorter (unless you get lucky :)

Toni said...

£6.80 - you obviously don't live in London!

Single parents are a nightmare or maybe its just me who would be the least suitable step dad in the world.

My favorite hairdresser story is at my brothers wedding when drunk beyond most peoples reasoning I blurted out to my younger brother how great my moms celebrity hairdresser was looking. Completely failing to pick up on my younger brother hints and obvious embarrassment I continued to list in graphic detail the things that I would want to do to her and how many of them were illegal in the western hemisphere. It was at that point he had to interrupt me and introduce me to the third person in our conversation who happened to be her husband. Luckily that was only the beginning of my depravity. I was the best man on that day and strangely enough have never been asked to replicate that role again.

Jim said...

£6.80 for a haircut??? No wonder you're single!! If you want to get that down even further I have a mate who cuts people's hair for free. He's not qualified or anything but he'll happily do it. He even does his own.

Anonymous said...

I hope she says yes when you ask her out. It could be the start of a beautiful relationship... or not.

Betsy x

Anonymous said...

Smelly nipples?!!! You´ll be off to a flying start with lines like that!

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

ha, ha. You are such a great story-telle - write a book! It's all sweet and that but I'm still betting on pet shop girl to be the date maker...

Ani said...

Pet food discount just sounds too tempting. I'm so going to the pet shop in search of my next date.

xxx

There's always a million reasons not to do something said...

I totally agree with Ani :)

clo said...

Have to admit that although voting for the shop assistant the hairdresser does sound hopefull. Hope you get a date!!

The Lioness said...

I'm mad I came here too late to vote! I was rooting for the pet shop girl. Hairdresser could have just been flirting for tips.

neda said...

paid a bit much, didn't you...and she didn't even cut that much off. or make a move. i'm still going for pet shop assistant.

Dating Diva said...

She sounds good. As someone who has kids I can say that her pointing out her son to you was a test. She wanted to see your reaction--would you suddenly no longer be interested or would you say "He's a good looking kid, looks just like his mom." (Next time use that line if you'd like!)

I can't say the other candidates had any qualities to make this a fair competition though!

Tyla said...

Love reading your funny blogs =)! Almost sorry to see the day you find THE ONE!

Aunt Juicebox said...

Hmm, now I'm going to be questioning your judgement since you didn't pick the pet shop girl.

Claire said...

If this works out you get free haircuts for life! THINK of the savings!

RobGetaway said...

With regard to Dating Diva's advice - Do not, and by that I mean do NOT tell you you think her 6 year old BOY is good looking, with your track record that could only go wrong and end up with you on a list!

Best of luck otherwise though

Rapunzel said...

I'm a bit unsure about us going on this date now...I too have had a recent hairdressing 'experience' (www.talesfromthetower.co.uk - The Headmaster) where my hair was chopped by a builder, but even then it still cost more than yours! Mind you, yours may look better? I suppose we can't judge until we meet x

Princess T said...

Oh no, a child-thing... RUN!! (Oh wait, that's just my reaction to other people's children, including friends and family - on further reflection, it's probably not a normal reaction but whatev - children are a deal breaker for me!).

But good luck with the asking her out! How exciting :-)

PS - 6.80 for a haircut?! I just had a juice that was more expensive than that... wow!

Toni said...

I love it that you said "round it up to eight quid" and immediately started thinking it was too generous. Ok Now I know your a scouser, (beautiful city by the way). My father used to be based out of there when the docks in Glasgow got closed down and I went to School in Birkenhead for a few years. I am from a very Catholic family so you can probably guess where.

I love this blog, please update more - just broke my ankle again so will be even more housebound than usual.

MsBurb said...

Oh geez, it doesn't take much for you, does it?

How do you survive in the summer on a beach, in tight-fitting trunks, I wonder???

*MsBurb shakes that thought right outta her head as soon as she types it*

...sigh...

Michael said...

My friends and I were in Indonesia, and we all went to this massage place. With the oils and the nakedness and the rubbing, it was almost impossible to not get aroused. So, to avoid embarrassment, I thought of grandparents canoodling, dead fetuses, genital warts, the color of human fat, burst carotid arteries...

It was the most unrelaxing sixty minutes of my life. But, I think you could use the tips in case the power of Nanna wears off.

Michael.
Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."
Holy Holism!

Kato said...

Yay for the hairdresser!

Although, maybe don't keep going to her for your haircuts. Could be a conflict of interest...