Every day, at about 11.55am, MacDonald's and Beans on Toast have an argument in my head. It goes something like this:M: Hello.
BoT: Go away.
M: Rude...
BoT: I'm just saying, I've got things covered.
M: Why do you hate me so much?
BoT: Because you cost £4 and Fishy's trying to save money.
M: You're jealous.
BoT: Of what?
M: My baps.
BoT: Beans on toast is a classic English dish - I don't need baps.
M: And my gherkin.
BoT: Fishy always takes the gherkin out.
M: That's half the fun. It's like foreplay.
BoT: Fishy doesn't do foreplay.
M: He does with me.
BoT: Look, let him save some money. He wants to buy a house, he wants to go to America. For the first time in his life he's trying to do the right thing and save, and you want to spoil it for him.
M: Oh, get over yourself - what harm's one Maccies going to do?
BoT: It's a slippery slope.
M: What?
BoT: Saving up is all about discipline. Break your budget once and anarchy will follow. Today it's MacDonald's, tomorrow it'll be Burger King.
M: What? Fishy wouldn't go with that slag. Have you tasted the fries in there?
BoT: You've got an answer for everything, haven't you?
M: That's why Fishy likes me.
BoT: Yes, but you're no good for him.
M: You don't know him at all, do you?
BoT: Listen, I know that he's nearly 30 and that you're full of salt. Ever heard of a heart attack?
M: Beans are full of salt too, you tit.
BoT: Beans, beans, good for your heart.
M: Yeah, and we all know the next line of that song, don't we?
BoT: Shut up, I've had to put up with that shit my whole life.
M: Beans, beans, make you…
BoT: I said shut the fuck up, prickface.
At this point I usually intervene before things get nasty. I tell them I'll have Beans on Toast today, MacDonald's tomorrow. And then tomorrow, the whole things starts up again...
24 COMMENTS:
Yeah working in maccies d's = free food
beans on toast is a luxury for me
My wife sometimes tells stories of BOT breakfasts growing up. I thought she made the whole concoction up.
Very fun dialogue!
Lucky for me I don't like Micky D's food. Why don't you just let them two fight it out and kill each other then.... well only Fishy will be left and what would you eat then?
Funny, like it. Good luck BoT, hope Fishy can keep the savings plan on track. I have a similar debate between New Look handbags and Radley handbags, it can get messy :0)
I know that I promised to shower you with compliments, but I'll hold off for now in order to shower Beans on Toast with compliments. I absolutely love beans on toast. I'd tongue-wrestle with beans on toast morning, noon and night. I can't believe that McDo even thinks that it can compete with BoT. A bit full of itself, methinks?
Visit America eh? Want to couch surf?
Oh screw the McFood, Fishy! You have to come to America, your dating adventures here would be excellent!
I don't like Maccas and I don't like beans, so I'd be saving lots of money!!!
Burger King is the slag off the fast food chains - and you're right, their chips do suck.
Add cheese on the BoT to make it yummier.
Can you categorise the girls you date into Beans on Toast girls and Maccies girls? (not to mention the Burger tarts). Could be helpful.
Ha, ha. And do you know why there is a gherkin in Mcdonals's burger? Because with all the sugar it contains it would need to be clasified as a dessert by the food standard agency.
Come and read about my sexy life:-)
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thank goodness i don't eat mcdonals, so no arguments there.
Fish, how many times have i told you? You have to live a little... A maccy's once in a while aint goin to kill you... but those beans will kill your love life! Also, with the wedge you're on you can afford it. Stop bein a tight arse and give in. You only live once in this life!
Bets xx
What's wrong with porridge?
Fishy, it looks like you need a new date... preferably, a date who can cook. :)
Bisous
Anne
Completely believable until the end. I refuse to believe that beans swear!
Rapunzel x
The BOT voice in your head needs to learn the word cheese if he wants to win the battle. But the morning after a long night only the golden arches will do. As for BK at least MaccyD's doesn't try to pretend to be proper food.
You mean that BOT thing is real?!? I mean like, people actually eat that combination?!
These dueling cravings are remarkably well-matched, aren't they?
http://adatingconfessional.blogspot.com
Thanks for this - now I'm gonna have to get up early and buy some Mc Donalds. I should invest in some will power.
http://teenkennedylobotomy.blogspot.com/
I stopped reading after you mentioned you didn't do foreplay. WTF? Ha.
Fun post, Fish! I do love a Maccy D's but there's something about Ronald MacDonald that creeps me out. I am also partial to beans on toast. Good pre-alcohol dinner that is. Lines the stomach for a night out! Yummy too.
Hope the book is going okay.
Lou :)
Beans on toast sounds way better than the traditional Mc-D's breakfast here of the bacon egg and cheese McMuffin. Or that pancake sandwich thing. No wonder we're the fattest country. Mmm, hungry.
That sounds like a perfectly logical internal conversation to me.
www.ziazitella.wordpress.com
I'm starting to worry about you Fishy...x
Funny post. I often have a similar argument in my head when deciding between home cooked and fast food.
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