So my date with Marie the doctor went well and I ended up getting invited back to her house for a nightcap. Here's what happened next:
"Everything's a bit bare I'm afraid - I've just moved in."
Marie slings her keys towards a hall table. Misses by a good foot.
A single, vile attempt at modern art decorates the magnolia hallway.
"My nephew did that," she says. "He's got autism."
My date strides upstairs and into the bedroom without looking back.
Linger by the door, unsure whether to follow.
"Come on, what you waiting for?" she finally slurs.
****Check her radio alarm. It's 12:44am and my upper body is starting to ache. Lights went out nine minutes ago.
Should have avoided missionary, started with something adventurous - like her on top.
Set myself a target. Just have to last until 1:05am. That'll be acceptable. Got to be up early anyway. Need to phone the council, get them to collect my old fridge. Plus there's Mildred to feed.
Marie keeps licking my face. Reckon she thinks it's sexy. Try to keep my head out of reach, but it's not easy with lactic acid throbbing in my biceps.
"Sorry, I need a break," I wheeze, collapsing into her clammy chest.
We resume with my
Yank her head back with my right hand, slap her bum with my left. I'm a sex cowboy and this - Marie's bedroom - is my ranch.
"Careful," she moans, spoiling the rodeo vibe somewhat.
Stretch for the glass of water on her bedside table. Tiny particles of dust float like jetsam on the surface.
"How long's this been here?" I enquire.
No reply. Mind must be elsewhere.
Can feel myself heading towards an orgasm. It's 12:52am. Need to think of something repulsive. Salmon, perhaps.
No, not salmon. Definitely not salmon.
Oh, fuck it.
Lie there like a lemon for a minute - all the while keeping an eye out for her anti-social tongue. We then coordinate my disembarkation.
Marie blows a puff of cool air across her face as we each stare up at the ceiling.
"Isn't it weird how you can blow hot AND cold air out of your mouth?" I say.
"Never really given it much thought," she replies.
Ten minutes later we're asleep.
****Still feel drunk when a bright sunrise beams through her bare window and wakes me up.
Marie's got her back to me, nursery blue sheets tucked up to her neck. The rays give her hair a ginger glow. She really needs to get some curtains.
Been lying here bored almost an hour. Wish she'd get up.
Decide to mess around with my ringtones - that'll rouse her.
"Morning!" I say, when she finally stirs.
Marie places a hand on her forehead to indicate pain.
She sinks her face into the pillow for a few seconds before answering.
"I think the drink got the better of me."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't normally have sex with near strangers."
"Well, just put it down as a night of passion."
"A night of passion?"
"You had fun, didn't you?"
"It was okay, yes, but..."
Marie stands, grabs a white towel from her chest of drawers and heads for the en suite without finishing her sentence. Best get up myself.
She comes back in, towel covering all her important bits. Asks me to turn around while she gets dressed.
"I did see everything last night, you know," I complain.
"That was last night."
Not sure I'll ever understand women. Think I'm just going to get off.
"Gonna go catch the train in a sec - need to feed Mildred."
"You know the way to the station?"
She leads me downstairs, past the
Marie pulls away and turns the Yale lock in one slick movement.
"I'll text you," I say.
She smiles but doesn't reply.
Can feel her eyes tracking me as I bound down her path. Then, a little earlier than expected, the door slams shut.