The Text Exchange (3 of 3)

A few of you have been asking if I texted Marie. To those people I say the following: she let me taste her fishcake on our first date - of course I texted her.

Plus, she's a doctor, so even if I didn't get a second date, we'd probably end up friends and I'd be able to quiz her on all my little ailments (small nipples, Mildred's depression).

Here's how the text conversation went:

Me - 10:51am: Hey you, just got on train. Had a really nice time last night. Hope we can do it again sometime xx

Marie - 5:56pm: Hey, feel really embarrassed about last night! Like I said, the drink got the better of me! x

Me - 6:02pm: Oh well - I don't think worse of you. Maybe we could do something at the weekend? xx

Marie - 7:45pm: I think worse of myself! x

Me - 8:07pm: Shall I take that as a no about the weekend? xx

Marie - 11:03pm: We'll see. Just need to sort my head out. Sorry x

Two days later

Me - 7:36pm: Will you go on a second date with me if I promise not to share my battered sausage? xx

Marie - 7:46pm: You do make me laugh. Can't do this weekend - am looking after my nephew x

Another four days later

Me - 5:41pm: Hey you, how was your weekend then? xx

Marie - 6:57pm: Weekend good but messy! What's new? x

Me - 7:08pm: Nephew do another painting, did he? xx

Marie - 8:08pm: Nah, my sister changed her plans so didn't end up having him. Went out with the girls instead lol x

Me - 8:16pm: Oh right. Up for hooking up Friday or Saturday then? xx

Another three days later

Me - 9:12am: I take it we're not going on a second date then? xx

One week later

Me - 3:13pm: What's the best way to deal with athlete's foot?

91 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh well you tried,you did the right thing.

NEXT.

Anonymous said...

HAHA Fish you crack me up!

Thats the silent treatment if ever I witnessed it.

you sure you didn't give her the silent treatment at hers? Silent but violent... you get me...?
Beer farts are not friendly or romantic

WannabeVirginia W. said...

See, you bag her on the first date, second date does not happen. You gotta make her want you and wonder hmmm, why didn't he make the move on me, then she'll be texting you for a second date.

Rapunzel said...

The easy way to stop feeling bad about having a one-night stand, is to have a two-night stand.

I'm really surprised that she hasn't gone for that. Rude. It's as if you didn't give her the best 17 minutes of her life or something...?!

Rapunzel x

Kate said...

Oh Fishy. Well at least you tried. Maybe it's all for the best - I mean, her crazy licky-licky tongue was not sexy.

I admire your persistence though, but it does remind me of text-stalking Stephen who I snogged a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes girls don't want boys to ever get in touch again. At all. Just leave it as it was and move on. Of course, blokes will never know when this is true. Well, apart from they get the silent treatment, but even then it amazes me how long it takes some guys to cotton on.

Oh, how's your book going by the way?

x

xxnapoleonsolo said...

You must be awful in the sack - or so avant garde she just couldn't handle your moves

Anonymous said...

How rude of her to ignore someone who actually asks for a second date even after sex on the first one =P

victoriaa said...

Ohh I feel bad for you:(
I hate the text message game where you wait for a bit and then text.... Like fuxk that's just rediculous. the same Sort of thing happened to me, the Guy and I had a really good night, leaving after was lovely and then I stopped getting the morning texts and then the texts just stoppped... Don't understand why?? :(
You'll find a better one soon. You are the guy that gets the most first dates haha
toodles xx

Sparkless said...

Awww but I did say never take a drunk girl to bed on the first date. You won't be getting a second date. She took total advantage of you!

Hunter said...

That's too bad. I think she merits one last text: What's the best way to get rid of [insert name of your favorite STD]? It's been a problem for years.

Better luck next time.

Dater at Large said...

Rapunzel: too funny on the 2-night stand!

Fishy: at least you got something for your efforts, right?

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Eh, she was embarassed about her behaviour. Naught to do with you. Think you almost had her with the funny comments. But alas.

MARC said...

Maybe 17 minutes was too long for her. Perhaps she's looking for a one-pump-chump....But sounds more like she's embarrassed by her behavior.

Anonymous said...

loved it :)

Lexicorro said...

ooh ooh I know this one. Women often dislike one night stands but alcohol makes them do crazy things. In the morning she hates herself for doing it and in her head, you're in some way responsible for her behaving slutty (you could have declined her invitation thus saving her honor).

One way around the mental fallout is if it happens by "accident". It's a whole lot less slutty if it wasn't intended. ie you/her just popped back for a coffee before calling a cab, it just happened by accident before the cab got called. Obviously travelling to the next town for a coffee before coming all the way back isn't very realistic :p

Mike said...

Hey if you can't get another date. Free medical advice is the next best thing.

Jodie Kash said...

Oh the rejection of the sexually adventurous. Best (or was it worse?) blow-off (and yes, dirty) I ever got was when I called HIM the next day and he answered, "Oh. Hi Julie" (“Jodie,” I corrected) then said,

"I just didn't feel the chemistry."

Guess that was after he came. He was fun though, a fireman. Very nice abs.

Pearl said...

I love these exchanges, despite how painful their origins. :-)

Pearl

Stone Fox said...

Using your autistic nephew as an excuse. How horrible. You should grab your crayons and draw her a lovely picture of you doing her from behind.

:)

Keren David said...

Keep going! Just one more text and she might relent and evaluate those nipples.

Queen of the Rant said...

Well you tried, and I think she is kind of stupid, I mean at least yo listened to her, even commented about the nephew, maybe she caught on that you did not like his art? oops

Anonymous said...

Boys text.
Real men call.

This has nothing to do with her feeling slutty. I suspect she is having coffee with her best friend right now saying something in the likes of: "I give him a taste of my fishpie and he can't even call? I'm so sick of boys, I really want to start dating men!"

Elizabeth Darvill said...

Omg, I cant believe she just ignored your witty texts! I mean this text alone - Me - 7:36pm: Will you go on a second date with me if I promise not to share my battered sausage? xx - would have gotten you a second date with me. It was sheer poetry!

Anonymous said...

I love your last text to her! I actually laughed out loud at my computer... makes me seem like a creeper to the other people in my office.

I agree though with the commenter above, I like getting the phone call. I'm not so into the ackwared texts. Texting does have its time and place, like on the train on the way home, just not to ask someone out on another date.

Kat
(all the way from Canada, ur famous!)

Anonymous said...

It ain't over until the fat lady sings and I don't hear no music yet !!

Turn on the charm full force and give her a ring.

tb

MNGx2 said...

Aww I had few of those minus the actual one night stand. Usually goes like this: I kinda like the guy on a night, he's fun to play with, alcohol makes sparkles fly, I can tell he's trying but I don't mind the efforts, then I give him my number because I kinda like him.. And then when he calls I don't answer but that's because I never answer, they need to know to text me instead. And if he texts, I string him along for a while because I kinda like him, and stop in the end because I only KINDA liked him and decided it's not worth the effort...
Sorry for an essay but you get what I'm saying, right?;))
As someone said up there in comments... NEXT!

Anonymous said...

Fishy,
Hello from Mexico City. I do agree with a previous comment: Boys text; men call. Most of the times you seem to be very worried (mortified) about the amount of money you will have to spend when it comes to dating. I think you would spend more money sending a bunch of empty text messages than in a 5 -minute call. That is, if we consider that here in my country texting is more expensive than a call.
Better luck next time ;-)
Marina.

leashapotimus said...

maybe she has the, I've-slept-with-you-now-and-there's-no-romance-left syndrome. I've done that before. You meet someone, they're funny, easy to talk to, you have too many vodka and raspberrys, invite them back to yours, have drunk sex, and now that thats all happened the whole night is tarnished because you did to this person what you would do at a club to some insignificant stranger...

The mystery and romance of the whole thing has turned to fart and maybe now, she is a little embarrassed.

just sayin'.

Sarah said...

If there's no emotional connection then it's not going to work. I guess that's what happened here. Don't give up fish, but next time wait until the third date.

clo said...

I like Hunter's approach with the next text :)

Your tried...just be thankful you don't need to put up with more face licking!
At least she replied in a sort of nice way at the start.
I went on a date with a guy who told me via text I was too fat to date but if I wanted to sleep with him that was fine...I replied with I would but I'm too fat to fit out my front door right now...

Caleb said...

Fish-meister,

I've been keeping up with your site for awhile now. Good stuff! Overall, pretty good game. However, your text-game needs a little work. First(ly), never respond that quickly- it makes you seem overly eager and a bit desperate. You have tons of fun things going on in your life that distract you from texting a girl you barely know. Second(ly), the texts "Shall I take that as a no?" and "I take it no second date?" are NOT allowed. I don't think I need to explain why.

That minor criticism aside, your final text was spot-on. I think if you would have kept your first texts as irreverent and funny as the last, you could have been eating more fishcakes.

ziazitella said...

Minus the one-night stand bit, these sound like some of the text exchanges I experience with the guys I meet in my "Collection of Dumbasses." Please don't go there.

http://ziazitella.wordpress.com/category/collection-of-dumbasses/

Call her..Chanel Girl said...

re. the call/text issuse - as a girl who had has had a one night stand, I probably wouldnt answer a call from him in all honesty - text is adequate enough

Kelly said...

Her loss. Did she respond to the athlete's foot question?

I think doctors tend to be a stuffy bunch. Best to go for another artiste...(not the nephew..)

Anonymous said...

dude! what about the two texts rule?

one text can be forgotten, get lost or something could interrupt her reply - but two unanswered texts and its time to forget her

Kam said...

Ah Fishy. At least you got a rumpy pumpy out of it.

I just think you need a change of venue. Come to the US ~ we're not so stuck up about our one-nighters ;)

Didactic Pirate said...

Just discovered your blog and love it -- is it wrong of me to hope you remain single so that I can keep reading about your dating adventures? Probably so.

Scarlet said...

A face licker? That's wrong on so many levels, sounds like a lucky escape to me

miss diarist said...

Did she ever tell you the best way to deal with athlete's foot?

Quite glad we've stumbled across one another. And much like Didactic Pirate, am rather glad this one was incommunicado - looking forward to the next dating tale.

Caleb said...

One thing we haven't covered here yet: how hot is she? I could put up with a lot more than just face licking and general hard-to-get-cuz-I-feel-bad-for-being-whorish attitudes if she is really, really hot. Or, since she's a doctor, if I was planning on getting really, really sick.

Maybe find some way to keep her on the backburner.

Or not.

Who's next?

Lou said...

Oh dear. She used you, Fish. I'm sorry. But heck, i suppose you wanted to get used really, didn't you?

Didn't you meet her on plentyoffish? I'm pretty sure that's a site masquerading as 'getlaidtonight.com'

Better luck next time, Fish. :)

Beautiful but Grumpy said...

I'm loving the determination and the northern spirit! Please say she said 'yes'...

Roxy said...

In all honesty, I'd do the same thing to you.

I got drunk and had sex on the first date. I'm embarrassed and can't even remember if I enjoyed it at all which makes me certain I didn't and probably did something embarrassing.

Then you're texting to go out again and I think you just want another shag and there's no way you'll be interested in getting to know me for me.

It's the sad reality of the first date drunken sex.

Hope you at least enjoyed it! :)

jo said...

at least you tried and didn't seem to just think of it as a one night stand. pity she wasn't on the same page.

R.R.Jones said...

Your delivery is brilliant, I'm still laughing while I type this.
Nice one fella.

Peau said...

fishcake? is that what we're calling it these days? scandalized...

Queen of the Rant said...

Must be slow in the fish pond as I have been waiting for your next post and nothing since this chick did not wanna date, c mon we want more your like a drug

LuckyGirl said...

Fishy this is hilarious. At the very least, she owes you some medical advice after that 8-minutes of bliss.

But since she failed to step up, in the 1950's folks used clorox foot-baths. I'm thinking if also applied to your upper extremity you might solve the problem of face-licking (where the fuck did she learn this? a cattery?).

The good news is there's plenty of other fishcakes on that website.

xxoo
LG

Sarah said...

Oh my jesus you make me giggle!

Queenie said...

hahahah you said fish cake.

JennyMac said...

hilarious. And seriously, how could she resist any text with the words "battered sausage" in it.

Lil Ms Snarky said...

i know i'm coming to this late, but did you really write "fishcake"?

gah

Naji said...

OUCH she soo did not enjoy u eating her fishcakes did she? Next time U should be more unavailable...like leave a first date with a great kiss and her wanting more and then don't text her or call (U should call over text, Its more assertive) until a couple of days later. Be funny and sweet. U'll deff get laid on more then just one date...even if ur not looking to have more then a first date to get to know someone.

healy said...

you did the right thing. . . :)

Tekquilla Brains xo said...

I found this blog totally by accident and I'm glad I did it's brilliant and funny and just awesome.
I say move on mate, she's not even woman enough to say "I'm not interested lets be freinds" you don't need her in your life. Plenty more fish ay? :L

soyoucanrunandtellthat.blogspot.com
moonshapedblood.blogspot.com
:)

natalie lamy said...

i've given you a blog award! :)
go on my blog to claim it! xxx

http://natalielamy.blogspot.com

Marta Z. said...

Hey. what a great blog - shame abut the frequency of posting.

http://lifeaccordingtomartaz.blogspot.com/

TheRugbymom said...

Oh hell! This was hilarious!

But I doubt I will find it funny if/when I get back in the game. Eh - no worries. I've got a flat of batteries from BJ's and a large bottle of toy cleaner concentrate!

YellowSguidsArtisticNature said...

Haha That sucks

Moons said...

hahaha! this is funny.

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Adam: The Everyday Tech Guy said...

Very funny stuff, will read more

Riviera Wedding Planner said...

LMAO. Attaboy. I'm following you now. Will you follow me back?

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gelovsky said...

lol! I think it's her lost find another fishcake =)

Mariel said...

This is hilarious. Lots of fun to read. I have a blog on not-so-easy people as well. http://meaniesandcreeps.blogspot.com/

mikeraw said...

Complete BETA if I ever saw one

bryn4ne said...

Sorry man, think you played it all wrong. I like you though so I'm going to give you some pointers. First off you texted too soon, and asked about a second date waay too soon. Unless you made out, had sex, or had some sort of amazing chemistry don't text the next day asking about second dates. It reeks of desperation.

Step 1: Text a couple of days after the date and don't even mention the previous date or try to make plans for a future date. Don't respond to her texts immediately if she's not responding to yours right away.

Step 2: If she responds to your texts give her a call either later that day or in another couple of days based on how responsive she is. If she doesn't answer leave a short and funny message. If she doesn't at least text you back give her a few more days and try one more time. If you get voicemail again specifically imply in your message that you won't be calling again. If you don't hear from her the game ends here (usually).

Step 3: If you get her on the phone or she calls you back chat her up for a bit. If the conversation goes well let her know that you think she's fun and you'd like to get together again soon, most likely she'll be open to it or even hoping for it if you've been chatting to you for awhile and enjoying it.

sabrina said...

Im really enjoying this blog. Haha.

The Sugar Addict said...

LOL i love your posts! so funny. i'm bad not to "follow" but i remembered to do so tonight. :D keep up the posts- very enjoyable.

oh and i "nominated" you for the stylish blog award and put a link to your page on my blog if you're interested in checking it out.

Screaming Hawk said...

Hahaha. Awesome blog. Following

tinkerbelle86 said...

great blog!!!

Sarah said...

I love this blog, I've just found it and it's really entertaining. Keep up the good work :).

Clare McC said...

Wow this is great. You made me laugh! :) Check out my blog http://claremcconnell.wordpress.com/

davina said...

i'm officially in love with your blog :)

http://davinadonkor.blogspot.com/

Precious and Jemily said...

Just stumbled across you... nice and witty. I like. Kind of scared to read all of it though, as I seem to go on a lot of dates and I am worried one of my dating disasters could appear on here considering we are from the same city ;)

Jemily xx

Lola X said...

Fantastic blog!



Lola x
http://lola-x.blogspot.com

Venie said...

LOL!Funny post. But if u try 2 time and she decline, then u better stop asking :P

Rollercoastess said...

I'm so glad that I discovered your blog....well, kinda. Is this what I have to look forward to? I'm fresh out of a 5-year relationship, and I totally forget how to date. And though your blog is amusing, it makes me not look forward to it.

I'm sure I'll have some of my own dating misadventures to share. Take a peek at my blog, if you'd like: http://projectbreakingupwards.blogspot.com/

TheGirlWithTheNotepad said...

Made me laugh!!!! Hilarious blog.
www.thegirlwiththenotepad.blogspot.com

Reese said...

LOL that was pretty funny and awkward. But it's ok I'm sure you will find another.

www.clareseliving.blogspot.com

MySecrets said...

LOL! Thats funny. It happend to me too but in Prince George, BC. Its a small town and there are not enough guys to go around! Yet I never got a second date from a doctor after she shared her sushi with me. I thought everything went well but, there was never again a good time to go on second date! Maybe she was just after the free dinner?

Abster said...

Hey man, if a girl asks you a question (anything new?) or talks about something she said earlier instead of answering one of your questions (I'm embarrassed....I think less of myself...ya dah dah dah), it means that's what she really wants to talk about. Always answer her questions, even if it's just a quick answer tagged onto what you were going to say anyway. Honestly, I can't tell whether this girl liked you or not, but as soon as you aren't willing to sacrifice your plan A (getting a date) to talk about what is really important to her, she will begin to think that you don't really care about her as much as the date (which might be true), and stop texting you back. Girls don't care as much about a date as a relationship, and dates are a way they figure out whether they respect or like you enough to be your friend/more than friend.

xoxoluvbb said...

Clearly she was mortified of your night together. Although I think it was nice that you actually tried to turn this into dating instead of completely walking away which most men would do. She just probably like many men would consider a wham bam thank you ma'am to not be the start of a great relationship. It sounds like she needed some courting.

A Tale of Being Single said...

Love your blog! Great laughs.

Anonymous said...

Hysterical!!

-Two of Us

Hydro said...

Good read. Yeah, text game takes a lot of practice but once you get it down you're usually golden.

Can't wait until you start blogging on this stuff again.

-Hydro
http://whattomessagegirls.com

AS said...

Oh well, at least you had the decency to follow-up! Good on you, just goes to show that there are guys out there who are not judgmental!

Dorothy Jones said...

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Rachel Williams said...

I LOVE THIS!
So brutal. So true to form.

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India Dating said...

These are cool stuff.

Chanelle said...

You are brilliant.